An Open Letter To A 20 Something Young Adult

Dear 20 Something Young Adult,

We are involved in the same activities, we work the same type of job, we share the same view on faith, and we both understand that times are busy.

I'm knocking on 30...

I know you have a lot going on. I know your 9-5 job can be stressful at times.
I know that relationship or new marriage you have can seem to take a lot of your focus.
I know you have your friends outside of work you need to make time for and activities you have on your calendar.
I know that you are just starting out in your adult life...in the real world...piling on the responsibilities and actually using those planners they sell at Walmart.

Our generation has been blessed when it comes to being part of a church.

There is always that mom who thinks we can't cook (probably for good reasons) and invites us over for family meals.
There is always that family who knows we don't live near our own family and invites us to any outing or family game night they are having.
There is always that older person who checks up on you every Sunday morning to make sure you are being prayed for and taken care of spiritually.
And we all know that family or person who takes care of your fish when you go on vacation...they lovingly swing by your house to make sure things are okay and that fish you are oddly attached to is still swimming.

But there's a problem...

When that mom who always feeds you needs a last minute babysitter for a couple of hours, are you too busy?
When that older person ends up in the hospital for a night or two, are you praying by their side like they did yours?
When that family who always feeds your fish goes on vacation, are you too selfish to swing by their house once a day to check on things for them?

I know it is a learning process to balance work, life, and other responsibilities...but it is also a learning process to start being a contributor to your church and your community.

Those people that serve you do it without expecting anything in return. They feed you, pray for you, and feed your fish without thinking twice about it...They have 3 kids, two jobs, things they volunteer for on the side, and school meetings to attend but they will always be there for you if they can.

Why do we always think twice about serving them in return?
Why can't we skip that movie night with friends and babysit for them instead?
Why do we never offer to bring something to a meal they invite us to?

A growing church needs you to nurture your servants heart.

It is time for you to be a part of the church instead of the part that sits in the pew on Sunday mornings.
It is time for you to love on those who have spent their lives loving on you and others like you.
It is time for you to learn how to be a working part of the church and the mission of serving and loving.

The only thing you will lose by conditioning a servant's heart is a selfish desire. 

War

It is no secret...or maybe it is because I'm good at hiding my struggles...that I've been fighting a battle in my head and heart these past couple of weeks. A battle, that sometimes I'm on the edge of giving in to Satan's lies...a fight that I am honestly tired of fighting.

I tend to mask my struggles with humor or fling myself into volunteering for things so that my mind is busy and my heart is beating for something else other than racing under stress and anxiety.

Here it is the beginning of November and I am a month and 15 days away from the end of my seasonal job here at Samaritan's Purse. I have been applying like crazy to full time/long term positions here and so far the term "rejected" was placed at the beginning of 2 applications in my profile. I won't lie and say that word cut to my core. Even though it isn't SP's choice what wording the application uses...no one wants to see the word "rejected" next to their name.

My quiet moments at my desk are now interrupted with small, short, barely deep enough breaths...I didn't realize it was happening until I heard the echo of my struggles to get a good breath. Lord why am I being put through this spiritual warfare? Why aren't you stopping these demons from telling me I'm not good enough...that my life experience and talents can't be used in this organization? Why would you lead me to this place, have me build relationships, adapt to my work just to have me walk away empty handed?

I am almost 30 and here I am starting my "career" at the bottom. It's a struggle to be an entry-level person when at times I feel I was made to be more. An entry-level seasonal person at that...

Is it all because I felt I was mastering that "tier 2 adult status" a bit too much? I promise I only felt like I had it together because I was early by one day on my bills each month.

The struggle is real.

I told God I would give up dating until He sent me the man who made known his intentions.
I told God I would pour my free time into these junior high girls.
I told God that I would rely on Him to make a way for His plans.

I didn't know making those promises to God meant that I would get rejected.

Okay maybe I did but I didn't want to believe it.

A coworker of mine pulled me aside the day I had an interview and said something to me that I replay over and over in my head. He said... "Can I say something and you not get upset? If this job doesn't work out and they say no, will you realize that it's because God has something else planned?"

Of course I said...but in the back of my mind I was thinking if this is what I wanted then why wouldn't God want me to be happy?

And there it is folks...what it looks like to not really have an understanding or want to have an understanding of God's plans.

It is a daily struggle...a moment to moment struggle right now in this present time to keep the enemy at bay. Even though it may not be visible or I may not express it my heart and mind are having a battle forced upon them by Satan and its tough. There's a cycle that I was for certain I wasn't going to experience again...a thought process of what is my purpose...what am I contributing...what in the hell am I doing with my life?

Satan is like a ravenous lion who is searching for the weakest part of me...consuming my thoughts.

But God is much stronger...much more consuming...and much more fierce than the enemy. 

Seek God and Find Me Waiting

It was one of those nasty, rainy days where you envision yourself drinking hot tea at home with a good book. I was on my way home when some stupid country love song came on and knocked me to my knees. I pulled over on the back mountain road and gave in to the ugly cry of the century. I was utterly confused as to why, out of nowhere, I was breaking down about this...about this feeling of loneliness and being single. Not even just being single but not being married...I was overcome with the desire to be married and the hurt that came along with just simply owning a fat cat named Carl.

I sat on the side of the road, with my head on the steering wheel, searching for an answer as to why I was being consumed with loneliness in those moments. In the span of two months, I will have been to five different weddings...five different weddings in which I have been so blessed to be a part of and I am looking forward to attending and celebrating with friends. My good thoughts and prayers towards their marriages still cannot keep at bay, the feelings a single person feels when they are having couples paraded around them at a wedding.

Coupled with the fact that a side trip to Nebraska to see a dear friend was undeniably confusing and left me with more than enough to think about on the 20 some hour drive back to East Tennessee.

I've felt myself being more and more distracted with thoughts of marriage and being single.
I can't place if it has been the fact that I am 5 short months away from ringing in the big 30...if it has been the fact that the community around me is being joyfully filled with loving marriages...or if it has been my lack of trust in God and my desire to seek out love without God's blessing.

I'm going to go with number 3 on this one.

I have let my time become consumed with worrying about dating and my spare thoughts have been taken captive with uncertainty of a lonely future.

I pulled back on to the road after my mountainside breakdown and put in motion the ways I can remedy the constant fear that I keep hearing in the back of my mind.

The next few days were spent drowning myself in romance movies from Redbox and chocolate...things that obviously help the heavy heart of a single gal.

Okay I lied...these things are the WORST. Now all I have to show for it is a few zits thanks to those Twix and an unrealistic expectation of how a man should woo me based on Victorian England standards. Perfect.

That's when it happened. I'm not exactly sure how it happened...like if God just kinda sighed and thought okay...enough is enough...you clearly haven't trusted me with this so far so I'm trying something different.

It was when I was at our Junior High small group at church when I realized that I probably wasn't being the best example of a Christian woman when it came to dating. I began to think, how am I suppose to guide and pray for these 12 and 13 year old girls when it comes to dating woes when I'm having breakdowns on the side of a North Carolina mountain?

I can't

I won't be able to.

My desire for these young little ladies is that they find their worth in their Father...that they don't spend time mulling over why a guy does not find them worthy enough...or why all their friends are dating and they aren't...

My desire for them is that they prioritize their relationship with Christ over their relationship with a guy.

My desire...my heart's deepest desire for these girls is that they don't make the same selfish mistakes I did. That they don't feel the pain I have suffered by my refusal to allow God to govern my love life.

During this thought process I realized what God was asking me to do.

I need to give up dating...I need to give up going on dates...I need to give up this pointless banter back and forth with set ups from friends...

If I was truly going to see the desires and best intent for these girls played out I needed to make a sacrifice and place my trust in God. I needed to get rid of the thing that haunts me the most and consumes my inner most thoughts.

In those moments where I feel my mind turning towards thoughts of loneliness and dating...that's when I will turn to praying for these little young ladies.

In those moments where I am wanting to say yes to a blind date set up by a college friend who's friend they think is perfect for me who is NOT perfect for me in any way...that's when my mind will need to busy myself with things that will encourage these girls to grow in Christ.

Our Children's Minister told the girls last night that she told her husband not to use the words I Love You unless he was going to back it up with a ring. Why didn't I think of that? Oh yeah...because I wasn't listening to God.

I told God, like I'm the one that needs to be calling the shots here, that if I were to give up dating and give up my searching and longing...that the man he intends for me needs to come obvious intent. I told Him that if I were going to finally give in and let His plans come to light, that I needed Him to make this man fierce in his pursuit...he needed to be clear in every single way...he needed to basically come with a sign that said God has sent me to be your husband.

Like I said...I'm not in any position to be telling God what to do...but I prayed that this would be how this is carried out. I have no idea how long it will be...I have no idea what it will look like... but I know that God will honor what I have asked for and He will give me the spirit to hold steadfast in what I have promised.

I pray that God lets me love and be loved when I am ready and not when I am lonely.

She's Worth More

Let me start this off by saying this post is bias... I'm a woman... If you want to see what the dating world looks like from a guy's view then you've come to the wrong place.

The way men in the dating world treat, approach, and talk to women is simply appalling....
There... I said it... gentlemen (and I use that loosely) get your act together!

Now don't get me wrong...there are good men out there. Good Christian men who understand how a woman should and needs to be treated and talked to but it is no shocker that those men are in short supply these days...perhaps even a minority...endangered of being lost in the crowd of vulgar and disrespectful men.

If I still have your attention and didn't lose you with my description of most single men then good. I don't want you to think I am one of those women who uses the phrase "all men are the same" because once again, I do believe there are good Christian men out there. I'm simply using my experiences and recent interactions to speak to how frustrating it is to be a single woman...how much it makes my heart sink deep into my chest as if it were hiding from any further aching...how aggravating it is to have a man not realize what you are worth.

I recently ran across a guy friend from a few years ago that had been diagnosed with cancer. We struck up a conversation on Facebook and I asked how he was feeling...just checking in on his health...how was the diagnosis after the past few months.
His response... "I'm well enough for a one night stand if you're interested".
Excuse me? which is when he played it off as a joke and told me I should learn to not be so uptight.

Stop being so uptight. 

That phrase is like nails on a chalkboard to me. Why am I uptight because I think you are disrespecting me? Why am I labeled uptight because I called you out on your bad "joke"? When did the word uptight become something that people are labeled when they feel the need to stand up?

Maybe you agree with him...maybe you think I should have laughed and said no thanks, good joke..

ha...ha...ha...

But I didn't laugh and I'm not uptight. I'm just over the culture our generation is embracing. I'm over the sweeping under the rug of sex jokes, forward flirting, and uncalled for conversations that women are being asked to be okay with these days.

For those of you that have known me for a while you know the old me and I will be honest...
Before I decided to follow God wholeheartedly...in my days of being a luke-warm Christian... I was on board with the one night stands, pre-marital sex, and I wasn't so "uptight".

I realized I was worth more.

You need to realize she is worth more.

Again... I am calling out Christian men because this is from my perspective as a Christian woman.

I'm not sure what many of you are thinking as you are reading this.
Some of you may think I need to lighten up.
Some of you may think that's just how it is these days...our culture isn't as conservative as it use to be.
Well isn't that a shame!

I have felt that heart sinking feeling way too many times the last few years...that feeling where you enjoyed that date you just went on and you think "finally a guy who actually wants to get to know me" but then you realize you were wrong. It's a hurtful feeling, a frustrating feeling, and a feeling that makes you wonder...

At times I've wanted to just scream...
Why do you feel like you need to comment on my body?
I bet you didn't know that I have the best sense of humor...I'm basically hilarious.
I bet you didn't realize that I've traveled to 28 countries and my experiences of the world outweigh your thoughts of me in the bedroom.
I bet you didn't stop to think how good I am at fixing things, building things, or creating new things from my ideas.

You didn't realize any of that because you were too busy thinking about the physical things you wanted from me.

Whether you women want to admit it or not...whether you have stopped to think about it or not...whether you have felt that way or not...you are worth more.

For those of you who are thinking I'm at the end of my rope with dating or I've given up...

Stop.

Please don't write to me and tell me "you'll find him" or "you have so much to offer...just need to wait for the right one"

I know all these things and I'm not in search of those kinds of conversations or words (as harsh as that may sound). I know I will find him but this isn't just about "him".

It's about all of them...

All of the men who think speaking disrespectfully to a woman isn't a big deal or making sexual remarks towards her/about her is all fun and games...

From a woman who use to be the one night stand girl to the Christian woman who is seeking respect and love and for goodness sake...some dignity... think before you speak.

Speak to her with words of encouragement and she will raise you up.

Treat her with dignity and she will see you as the man you are.

Realize her worth as a woman of Christ and she will be your biggest fan.

She's worth more. 

It Really Works

The end of a job I loved came so unexpectedly on Monday.

I thought I would be with Girl Scouts for years to come...It was my career and was a part of who I was as a person. If I wasn't at work, I was talking about work, I was wearing work on my shirt, and I was drinking out of my coffee mug that screams "Girls Matter".

But things didn't go the way I expected them to go. My time with Girl Scouts came to an end...

And it will be O.K.

Don't get me wrong...I absolutely hate not working there anymore. I hate sitting at home prepping my resume for the dozens of jobs that I'm sending it to. I hate not knowing what to say to people when they ask "What do you do for a living?". I hate feeling like I don't have a direction or purpose right now.

And it will be O.K.

I had my 20 minutes of breakdown when my car pulled through the gates one last time. It was hard to catch my breath for a while. My perfectly done makeup ran down my cheeks as I listened to the things I had stored in my desk rattling in a box in my backseat. The leftover McDonald's napkin in my car was stained with blackened tears...but only for a little while.

I couldn't explain to you why I am handling it so well. I couldn't understand how I am not curled up in a ball of devastation. I wondered why I wasn't held up in my apartment refusing to talk to people or go out and be social...and then it hit me.

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”

Joshua 1:9

I have spent the last 2 years rebuilding my connection and relationship with God and my faith is being put to the test this week. For the first time in my life I have a true understanding of what it means to not worry and let God be in control...is it wrong to feel like I am totally rocking this handing it over to God thing? I finally feel as if I have that feeling that people describe when they talk about God having everything under control and it is in His hands. 

If this is what it feels like, why did I not submit to this before now? 

Trust me, I have my moments in the day where my mind stares off into space and I wonder what's next...but there is no explanation as to my attitude towards this other than God is in control. God's faithfulness to my faith in Him is in full swing! It has nothing to do with my actions or anything I have done other than me finally submitting to His will, plan, love, and grace. 

I just lost my job but all I seem to want to do is shout to people how amazing God can be if they only turn to Him!! The best way I can describe it is this... 

You read about a way to help you do a certain daily task that seems so ingenious that it couldn't possibly work but you try it anyway... After you finally give in to what all these people keep talking about is such a fantastic, life-changing thing you realize HEY IT WORKS!! It really works!!

That is how I feel this past week. No I am no comparing God's love and mercy and faith to a life-hack because it is SO much more than that. IT WORKS! It really works!! 

That uncertainty you face day to day, trouble to trouble, worry to worry... when you truly have faith in Christ it seems so much more manageable. It seems so trivial. 

I am so glad that my life and plan rests in God's hands and that His mercy is endless and His grace is more than I deserve. 

Living In The Borderland

This past week I spent the whole week at Appalachian Christian Camp being a counselor to 80 high school kids.

Our theme this year was Borderland.

At first I wasn't sure what to make of this theme or where we were going to go with this concept and I have to say I was pleasantly surprised.

The definition of borderland is an uncertain, intermediate district, space, or condition. In terms of what we were talking about camp this sums up the direction we took the concept.

Many times as someone who is outside of Christ and even Christians we find ourselves in an uncertain condition in which we are set apart from God. The word uncertainty is a frightening term and can sometimes be used to describe how we feel about our situation and our relationship with God.

We started out the week allowing and asking everyone (counselors included) to be completely transparent about their lives and their relationship with God. We often find ourselves in a borderland that presents ideas, situations, and choices that are not of Christ. The borderland consists of the ideas and beliefs that the world presents as being acceptable. It is a dangerous place where deceptions about our relationship with God are brought to the surface and we feel separated from Him.

Spiritual deception is dangerous--and damning. Any one of us can fool ourselves. We are sinful creatures, biased in our own favor, prone to assume that we are something when we are not. The Bible says that the god of this world (Satan) is blinding the minds of unbelievers to keep them from knowing Christ. Couldn't it be that one of the ways the devil is doing this is by deceiving people into believing they are Christians when they are not?

-Follow Me by David Platt

The borderland has taken a toll on us but that's where reconciliation comes in to play. Reconciliation is when God chooses to redeem something that was worthless and with reconciliation comes repentance. According to David Platt repentance is when people " turn from walking in one direction to running in the opposite direction. From that point forward, they think differently, believe differently, feel differently, love differently, and live differently." 

Throughout this week I saw the look of struggle and uncertainty on the faces of the high schoolers we were ministering to. The uncertainty of what it would look like to give up the things they are involved in on a daily basis, their circle of friends, their way of life was frightening and for some of them unfathomable. Many of these kids were facing struggles I never imaged kids in high school would be up against. They have been offered drugs, they are having sex, they are blaming themselves for their parent's divorce, they are giving up on school, and they are taking on problems that are out of their control. As each day would draw to a close I would find my heart breaking more and more.

My continuous prayer all week was that if they don't take away anything from that week, I prayed that they would leave knowing that God is pursing them fiercely. There is nothing we can do to change our standing but it is because God is pursuing us constantly and his grace is fierce. That moment when you are tired of running, lying, hiding, and hurting and you give in to grace it changes you. God's grace is so fierce you cannot help but be changed and when grace takes hold of someone you can see it in their eyes.

A friend of mine at camp explained how grace changes us so well. He said that God is continuing to change us and he never wastes a scar. What use to be the end of us is not that anymore...he turns a period into a comma. Just when we think we are so far out in the borderland there is no coming back, God's grace rescues us from sin. There is nothing you can do that will keep God from using you to spread the Gospel. Every choice that turned into a mistake can be used to show how amazing the grace of God can be for those still living in the borderland.

You can either choose to conform to the borderland and its beliefs or you can transform.

As the week drew to an end I could see it on the faces of some of the high schoolers... they were fighting a battle they cannot win without God. Some chose to return to the borderland and try to give up their struggles on their own. Others chose to give in to God and allow him to transform them and change them into a new person. Some are still facing that uncertainty of what leaving the borderland would look like.

I'm praying that this borderland some of these kids are walking through will not be where they choose to remain. My heart breaks for the choices they are making and the choices that are being made for them. I see that some of them are choosing to stay in the borderland knowing the consequences and I don't know how to reach them. I chose to live in that same borderland and the outcomes are not always as they seem and it is hard to see these kids choose that road.

Pray.

Pray for peace during uncertainty. Pray for reconciliation. Pray for their hearts.

So from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view. Though we once regarded Christ in this way, we do so no longer. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here! All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting people’s sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ’s behalf: Be reconciled to God.  God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.

2 Corinthians 5:16-21

Tier 2 Adult

During a conversation with a fellow young adult, they told me I seemed to have it all together.

I'll be honest... I looked behind me and around the room to make sure they were talking to me and not someone behind me.

Me? Have it together? HA!

In our small group we have a joke about Tier 1-2-3 adults.
Tier 1- you are the age of an adult but still pretty dependent on your parents
Tier 2- you are independent (pay bills, full time job) but you don't have any dependents
Tier 3- full fledged adulthood...kids..house... the whole shebang

You see by those standards I'm a Tier 2 adult. I have a full time job. I pay my bills. I clean my house. I cook (by that I mean I put 90 second rice in the microwave all by myself). But have it together? I have never really thought of myself as having it together.

That got me thinking. As young adults we compare ourselves to other people in our age range by what they have accomplished, married or single, kids, own a home, etc. I constantly compare my 29 year old life to those I see who are married, have a college degree, have a baby on the way, or just bought their first home. I, myself, do not have a college degree, I'm not married, I don't want kids, I rent my apartment, and I'm still paying on debt that I accumulated by being stupid. How does this person think I have it together?

I realized I'm not the only one comparing myself and my accomplishments or non accomplishments to those my age.

I have come a long way in the past few years from where I was but I am not where I want to be. Some days I'm lucky to feel like an adult just by prepping the coffee the night before. Other days I feel like I've got it together when my bra and underwear match. Then there are those days where I have intellectual conversations, solve crazy issues at work, use my planner in the correct way, get to appointments, and have meetings where I feel like I"m useful.

The point is everyone has their days and today just may not be the day where you feel like a true Tier 2 adult.  Tomorrow you may get to all your appointments/meetings on time and you might do laundry the best you've ever done it in your life. I've had to realize that I don't/can't/won't have it together all of the time and every minute of the day.

There are seasons of life where your bra and underwear match every day and you got through every meeting successfully without falling asleep. This season of life for me is one where I feel like carrying around a Tier 2 adult trophy but I constantly remind myself that the next season of life I might be picking up that 90 second bag of rice off the floor and people are asking my why I didn't brush my hair today.

I've learned that when you are gliding through this season of life with ease it's so easy to look at someone who is struggling and judge them. Remember that you were once that person or you will be that person at some point and take a moment to encourage them. What may seem like a harmless comment/joke could really kick someone when they are feeling down. I've been there... the truth is when that person told me they thought I had it together I felt like I was barely holding on to anything. We never know what someone is facing throughout each day and though it may appear to you that they have it together (or it may not, building someone up is much more satisfying.

To all you Tier 2 adults out there... find little things that you accomplish each day and make something out of that small feat. 

Mind The Gap

Mind The Gap- An audible of visual warning phrase used to warn people to proceed with caution while entering a station platform. 

Mind the gap is also a good phrase to use when approaching the every day topics that swirl in our society. The spatial gap between Christians and Non-Christians. 

Everywhere you turn there are two phrases that continue to be a part of every day jargon. 

Open Minded and Close Minded. 

We are told to be Open Minded to new ideas, thoughts, feelings, actions, and lifestyles. We are told to accept everything and reject nothing. We are scoffed when we disagree with what the world says is acceptable. We are made to feel wrong when we choose to say no in a world of yes.

As a Christian in today's society it is increasingly harder to know where you should stand and what battles are worth fighting. Love the sinner, hate the sin. We all know that phrase but what does that look like? How are we suppose to navigate a series of, what feels like traps, in a way that honor Christ but reflect our faith? 

I wish I had the answer but I don't. Some days I feel like I got it right and the things I said to someone have clicked. Then there are other days when the choices I make because of my faith are so outwardly condemned I start to question my motives and actions. 

As a Christian I have chosen to live a life worthy of Christ and with that choice there are actions/lifestyles/ideas that I cannot knowingly accept and still confidently walk in Christ. For the first time in my life I feel the weight of free will on my chest. I struggle daily with the thought of how much easier it would be to just live my life and not worry about how the rest of the world is fairing. 

Judgement is another word that is so quickly used today as well. Bible verses are being thrown around by those who know nothing about those who wrote the Bible, why it was written, or the Bible as a whole. Christians are being attacked by the very tool that was meant to provide comfort, power, and refuge. The moment a Christian has an opinion that differs from the world we are judging and we are close minded. I don't know how to fix that and I don't have all the answers. All I have is what my heart struggles with daily and what God is doing to help me through this life. 

This may come as a shock to some of you but as a Christian we should expect to face adversity and we should come to understand that there is a reason the world hates us disagreeing with it. We were made for something more. 

“If we find ourselves with a desire that nothing in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that we were made for another world.” - C.S. Lewis

The most recent uproar lately has been revolving around the transgender lifestyle and course Bruce Jenner. Bruce Jenner has been called a hero for his outward expression of an inward struggle. Yes you read that right...inward struggle...because I feel that is what is happening. An inward struggle to find his place in the world and for people struggling, our world today offers what seem to be answers. People who struggle grasp for anything and for his struggle the label hero has been given. Call me crazy but hero isn't the word that comes to my mind. 

The only word I see that ring true to this situation and issue is "weakness"...being unable to turn from the things of this world and giving in to what the world presents as a answer to the inward struggle. 

Where is the fine line of accepting a lifestyle/idea and saying no to something that seeks to destroy all that God has planned for his people? When do we close our minds to what the world is offering and open our hearts to give what the world is missing? 

As I said before, I don't claim to have all the answers and my walk with Christ is a daily development and an opportunity to grow. My pastor touched on this point very briefly Sunday when he said that the time for us to fight certain battles is coming and that there will come a time when it will be harder and harder to live as a Christian in this world. The only thing I disagree with is that the time has already come...it is just going to get more difficult as the days pass. There will come a time when we must choose and the time is here. 

"Dark and difficult times lie ahead. Soon we must all face the choice between what is right and what is easy."- Harry Potter 

All we can do is live and teach as Christ would and let Him take care of the rest. All we can do is live according to His Word and grow our own knowledge of Him. We should act in a way that supports the gospel. 

"But in your hearts revere Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hop that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect, keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander. For it is better, if it is God's will, to suffer for doing good than for doing evil. For Christ also suffered once for sins, the righteous for the unrighteous, to bring you to God. He was put to death in the body but made alive in the Spirit." 

1 Peter 3:15-18 

I Have Left My Heart In So Many Places

The moment I heard about the earthquake in Nepal my heart broke. I think because I left a piece of it back in Nepal with the people I spent so much time laughing with, eating with, and living with on a daily basis.

I had been torn between sticking to the alumni trip to Cuba or going to Nepal to be beside the people of Nepal as they pick up the broken pieces of their lives.

You see the thing is, I portray myself to be a hard-ass...not easily broken...an emotionally strong woman. In reality those that know me know that seeing the people of the world suffer can bring me to my knees in a moment. My heart aches every time I see a new update from my friend Reuben. See the brokenness of the people he is serving. Watching the emptiness in their eyes take over as he speaks to them about their homes being gone. It would be easy to not watch the videos or scroll through the pictures but God has given me a heart for his people and I can't do that.

I recently made the decision to transfer my funds from the alumni trip to Cuba to a trip to Nepal in December of this year with Adventures in Missions. This is an all adult trip that will go to Nepal to help in the rebuilding efforts. The more I thought about Reuben and the more I prayed about why my heart was feeling unsettled about Cuba, I knew that I should listen.

I'm going to make this one short and sweet... Please pray for Nepal.

Pray for the World Race team that is there currently serving.

Pray for the upcoming trips Adventures in Missions will be doing this fall including the one I am signed up for in December.

Pray for Reuben and his team as they are going out daily to take food,water,blankets,and aid to people in villages that have not been reached since the first earthquake. Below are some pictures that Reuben and his team have taken during their trips out to rural villages. Continue to lift them up in your prayers in the days and weeks to come as they continue their efforts!

Photo Credits :Reuben Rai 

Stage 5 Clinger

"A date is an experience you have with another person that makes you appreciate being alone"

- Larry David 

I was trying to be more open minded and not so rigid on my choice of men.

I wanted to try and be more open to dating a man who I may not be immediately attracted to at first but could grow to be fond of down the road.

I had people keep telling me I was too picky and that I needed to not jump to conclusions so quickly on people... so that's what I did.

I said yes to go on a date with a man that I wasn't necessarily attracted to at first but he seemed nice...seemed genuine...what could it hurt?

During our correspondence of getting to know each other before our big date he seemed to take a genuine interest in me. Texting frequently...calling every so often...asking lots of questions. At first it didn't bother me too much and I just thought well we are just getting to know each other it may just be an in the beginning type thing. So I went with it and agreed to go on a Harley ride with him and his buddies for charity.

I put on my knee high black boots, that velvet red lipstick, and prepared for our first date.

I was a tad nervous because I hadn't rode Harley's that much but it seemed fun!

When I met his friends for the first time and he introduced me as his girlfriend, the red flags started popping up everywhere...

Girlfriend? This is our first date mister... My face was as red as my hair and lips...

Every part of me was wanting to bail at that point but I kept telling myself no... I need to be open minded...maybe he misunderstood...maybe he just really likes me...maybe he...ahhh hell let's be honest...maybe this is why this guy is single!

There wasn't really any way I could get out of this date. The man picked me up on his Harley and we were 25 minutes away from my vehicle. So I stuck it out and hopped on the back of the bike for the next 3-4 hours. During that time we stopped a couple of times and he tried to be affectionate towards me...

If anyone knows me at all knows that my body language and face say everything... I wasn't having it! Please stop touching me, trying to hold my hand, and dear Lord please stop kissing my cheek every time you put my helmet on me... I am not a 3 year old! I was in sheer panic mode at this point. I was texting friends alerting them to the Stage 5 Clinger status I had going on at that time. Mayday Mayday... S.O.S.

I powered through the ride trying to enjoy the scenery and the fact that he couldn't really talk to me while we were going 60 MPH down the highway. Once the date was over and I was safely back in my car I felt free. Screw open mindedness on dating...this guy was crazy!

I finally got home and jumped in the shower...10 minutes later I had 7 missed calls and several text messages. "Do you like me?" "Why are you on Facebook but you can't text me back?"

SERIOUSLY?!? I finally fessed up and told him he was too clingy and his response? "How am I clingy?" You just called me 7 times in 10 minutes and checked up on me and you don't know how you are clingy? After several texts back and forth I finally ended up blocking his number.

If this is what dating is I will take being single with my cat Carl.

Hear me now... I do not claim to be an expert on dating (clearly as evidence from above) but why does being picky have to be a bad thing? So what I have a list... I have a list of must haves and don't even think about its. I have things that I want and things that make me run the other way. Yes, I am single and 29 but I'm also not 29 and wishing I wasn't married to someone I was so open-minded about years earlier.

Being opened minded about the way a man chews is totally different than being opened minded about someone who makes you feel suffocated. Someone who is already asking you to give up things you are involved in and put time towards isn't something I want to be open minded about.

That dating qualities list...its not super long...but it now has No Stage 5 Clingers added under Christian and Must Have a Sense of Humor.

All I Can Do Is Pray

When I asked God a few years ago to give me a heart for his people I never knew that that meant I would feel the ache of those hurting...that I would be burdened with a heart of compassion for those in turmoil...that I would feel the deep burning to be where they are when I know I cannot.

Every picture I see of Nepal hits me hard.
Every status I read about my friends hurting crushes my heart.
Every prayer I feel the need to pray brings me to my knees.

Why?

Natural disasters happen quite often and while I do feel sadness for those impacted this is different. When you have spent some of your most memorable moments next to someone, seeing them hurting has more of an impact than just seeing the news scroll across your TV. It's so easy to see the death toll plastered on news articles, say how sad, and then push it out of your mind. When it is happening to people that you have served with, lived with, eaten meals with, hugged goodbye...it changes everything. 

I logged on to Facebook and saw the updates coming from friends in the middle of the epicenter. 

Facebook Status Update from our contact on The World Race, Reuben Rai April 27th 9:45 PM Kathmandu, Nepal Time:

500 Christians are fear dead, 200 alone in Dhadhing near Quake center, 100 in Kathmandu, and 200 in rest areas. Total dead bodies collected exceeded 4000. More then 50,000 in intensive care unit. Thousands awaiting rescue and help. Hundreds still missing in Everest avalanche. No water in shop, no food and vegetables since market is not open. Because of fear of more quake, people still are in open field in cold and rain with their little new born babies, difficult for children and elderly. People are starting to have flue, fever and cold. We will start to help others from tomorrow. Its Monday 9:37 PM. Just hitted by Quake again at 9:37 pm

Photo courtesy of Omar Havana- Getty Images

Everything in me wants to pack a bag right now and get on a flight to be there on the ground. Having my hands physically aiding those in need...hugging those who I know and are hurting...

I feel so useless sitting here in my comfy home with all the water I need...with shelter...

All I can do is pray...

Why God did you give me a heart for them if I cannot do anything but pray?

As soon as I let those words come out I felt so stupid...

As if prayer does nothing...

God has let me have many opportunities to be the hands and feet on the ground during moments in people's lives that they felt so helpless but this was not a time I could do that. This was a time I needed to learn the power of prayer.

That's when I saw this status update from Reuben.

Facebook Status Update from our contact on The World Race, Reuben Rai April 26th 10:45 PM Kathmandu, Nepal Time:

Latest. I ask one womn y u all r here in church you r not even a xian n she said bcause there is safty hre. Your God protcts

They are in the midst of this disaster and he is seeking out moments where God reveals himself. He is choosing to see God is still his protector and those around him that are not even Christians are seeking out God. 

How could I think that God will not work through the prayers of us here in the U.S.? When we say to someone 'I will pray for you', what does that mean? Do we really pray? Do we think it is going to do anything other than comfort in that moment? 

When someone says that they will pray for you it should bring a wave of comfort...you should trust it...you should have faith. 

All that I can do is the best thing I can do right now and that is pray for Nepal, pray for Reuben, pray for his family, and pray for our other friends. Pray to the God who created this world and pray to the God who is most merciful. 

As you go through your day please pray fiercely and with purpose for those in Nepal, for He will hear our prayers. 

This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us - whatever we ask- we know that we have what we asked of him.

1 John 5:14-15

Loving Yourself

The moment I ran the velvet lipstick over my bottom lip I felt more confident. The red color soaked up my plain lips and with a name like Cruella, who wouldn't feel invincible!

I go through phases of loving my body and phases of feeling confident in the way I am today. Phases where anything I put on that day feels like it fits like a glove and I walk out of the house with a sass in my step. Then there are the days where I go through 12 of the same exact t shirt/pair of pants and I feel like nothing looks good on me at all.

We all have those days... and sometimes it feels those "nothing fits right" days out number our sassy/unstoppable days.

I have been trying for a few months to drop some weight and I was feeling like nothing I did could make me see a change. I cut down my soda intake, my fast food intake, added some small exercise routines, worked on my sleeping habits...nothing was working! I found myself comparing my efforts to those around me who were pinning those workout suggestions on Pinterest or posting pictures of themselves at the finish line of a 5K or those awkward gym selfies that (let's be honest) no one really cares if you're workout went great or not.

I don't really pin workouts on Pinterest because well... I probably won't do them. I definitely don't sign up for any 5K's because the only places I'm usually running to are the bathroom or to the car if it is pouring the rain. I might be guilty of one or two gym selfies when I actually use to be a regular gym goer but now my selfies include hugging my cat Carl while he struggles for air and freedom.

I will admit that over the past few years I have obsessed a lot less about being a bit overweight. I'm not sure if its because the older I get I am focused on more important things, I just don't care, or I've become more open to accepting that I will never be a size 6 woman.

The older I get I do realize that older men look for more of a personality and someone to enjoy their time with rather than a size 6 to show off to their buddies. No... I'm not saying that I long to be thinner so that I can gain the attention of a man... that is only a tiny piece of this struggle. More often than not I find myself telling a man that if he doesn't like how I look then he can hit the road. It is mostly women that I find myself seeking the attention/approval of when it comes to looks. It seems to be that women are more critical of other women than men ever were or tend to be these days. If we know how it feels to be judged on our appearance then why do we do it to each other?

It is a difficult thing to work on comparing yourself to others and judging others as well. Some times we catch ourselves casting judgement on people even without meaning to do so. "I can't believe she thinks that shirt looks okay on her." or "Did she even look in the mirror before she left the house this morning?" I will be the first to admit I have done it and still do it just in every day conversation without thinking twice about how I feel when that happens to me.

It moments like that when I realize I quite possibly need to spend more time grounding myself in the Lord. Yes, I realize this sounds silly and trivial and a moment where you are thinking.. yeah yeah... the answer is always Jesus...get closer to God but really people...it is the answer!
The more I pour myself into the word and the more I spend focusing on Christ the less I see myself acting like someone I would be ashamed of or doing things I don't approve of when its on the flip side. No there isn't a specific verse that says " and Jesus said... do not make fun of the girl in the ugly shirt or do not make jokes because another girl did something weird with her hair."
But the Bible does call us to be Christ like... and being Christ like covers a multitude of attitudes, issues, and priorities. The more you become more Christ like you will learn to love yourself in return.

Over the past few months I have been working on walking the straight and narrow, as they say. Spending my time focusing on my relationship with the Lord and although I am no where near where I need to be... I am not where I once was.

I find myself leaving the house more confident whether it is in those paint stained workout pants and a Goodwill t-shirt or that cute dress and red lipstick... I'm walking out of the house confident in the Lord's plans for me and that whatever happens today or how I look...I can make it a rough day and complain about my muffin top that I don't necessarily work on improving or I can make it a good day and only let words of encouragement about myself and others come across those velvet red lips.

For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

Ephesians 2:10

Who Am I?

We recently took a personality test at our organization for an upcoming training that we will be going through for the next several months.

The definition of a DiSC test which is taken directly from the DiSC profile website: DiSC is a personal assessment tool used to improve work productivity, teamwork and communication. DiSC is non-judgmental and helps people discuss their behavioral differences.

Non-judgmental... hmmm...what an interesting choice of words.

To no surprise I was was ranked a HIGH D which in one word represents dominance. As I began reading the assessment I thought, wow how spot on this test seems to be! It says I'm competitive, can support of oppose strongly (in other words opinionated), determined, independent, venturesome, and decisive. Those were the main things that stuck out to me as I was reading the profile. They seemed like great descriptions of what I would consider myself and how I would hope others would consider me but then I saw it...the portion of the assessment that explained how others may perceive me.

I see myself as assertive, confident, and competitive.

Others moderate perception of me is that I am demanding, egotistical, aggressive and nervy.

Hmmm...well that's interesting...but hey I can take it...

But then we had other's extreme perception of me which is that I am abrasive, controlling, opinionated, and arbitrary. Well then!

I'd be lying if I hadn't heard some of those adjectives describe me before. In fact I won most opinionated for my Senior Superlative in high school. Controlling...yeah I might be the back seat driver or the person who just does things myself because I know I'll do it right the first time. Abrasive? Okay... I might have told a few people what I really think about them in no uncertain terms or feeling the need to soften the blow.

When going down this list it can be really easy for me to see the negatives of my assessment. It can be really easy to focus on how others may see me in certain situations and quite frankly how I simply come across in the reality of a situation. It can be hard to remember those positive descriptions in the beginning.

During youth group last night our youth director Greg was talking to the kids about the apostle Peter and how the Lord decided to change his name. Peter was a impulsive thinker who jumped on opportunities without thinking and most of the time they weren't the best decisions one could have made. But God chose to make him the rock on which His church was built. He changed his name to Peter to represent how Jesus saw him and for his abilities and what the Lord had destined Peter to be in the future. He didn't rename him a name that represented his faults or bad personality traits but rather named him something that would destine him to proclaim the glory of God.

As Greg stated last night, if we were asked what our names would be changed to based on our characteristics, most people jump to some negative qualities that overshadow some of our strengths. But God wouldn't rename us something that he hasn't created us to be. He sees us for the potential that we have and for those characteristics that he has given us to use to further the Kingdom.

I am determined...determined to follow Christ and show others His great love.
I am venturesome...I will accept opportunities to travel to the ends of the earth to share the Gospel.
I am decisive...I have decided to follow Jesus and live a life worthy of His calling.
I am independent...I am comfortable with fulfilling my purpose for God with or without a husband.
I am confident...I am confident that my faithfulness to the Lord will bring everlasting life.

Before going down your list of personality traits remember to ask God to show you how He sees you and how you can use those characteristics to bring glory to Him.

Is This A Test?

It has to be a test.

Here I am striding along...I'm busy all the time...I'm loving my job...I love my social life and especially working with the youth at church...I'm on track with God (or so I think)...I'm dancing in my room while I get ready every day...I'm laughing and enjoying life and BAM!

He's back.

That ex you never thought you'd see again..or talk to again..or thought of ever.

He comes waltzing in and turns your world upside down with one little message.

You know how it goes. You've found freedom in your singleness and you're strengthening your relationship with God more every day. You're not at home sulking on the couch but you're out doing something and making the moments count. And if you're like me you've gotten to a point where you are alright being single and actually loving the freedom you have to choose to do anything you want to do and you always have the time you want to give back and spend with those who matter. 

For the past few months the Lord has really brought me back to him and his plan that he has for me. I was taking advantage of all the grace he had given me and the second chances to be the person I was meant to be. I was being encouraged by those around me and I was encouraging others in return. 

Yeah of course I thought about me being single and how it would be nice to find someone but it was no longer a core focus of mine. It wasn't weighing me down and I wasn't discouraged with being 29 and single with a new cat...embrace the crazy cat lady!

My office phone rang and the number looked so familiar but I couldn't place it. I didn't answer and sent it to VM. At the time I was knee deep in trying to repair my office computer... I didn't have time and if they needed me they would leave a voice mail. No voice mail...okay not important.

My cell phone went off...I had a new message...when I looked down I saw his name. It was staring me right in the face. That name I had tried to forget. That name I hadn't laid eyes on in months upon months. There he was contacting me. He had some stuff I had left at his house and he was in town. 

How convenient.

We ended things pretty terribly. There were things said on both sides that I'm sure both of us wish we could have taken back no matter how upset we were at the time. I had moved on (or I would like to think I had moved on) and he was dating someone new. So why after months do you want to give me back my stuff...in person...?

Against all my better judgement, which lets face it that doesn't exist when it comes to dealing with ex's, I agreed to meet with him to get my stuff back. 

My whole body was shaking and my mind was racing...all those emotions and feelings that I worked so hard to get over came flooding back within a matter of minutes. In fact the moment I saw his name on my phone my mind was a mess. My heart was a mess. I was a mess. 

I agreed to meet with him after work and asked him to meet me at my apartment. He legitimately forgot my address as his memory was terrible after being wounded while serving in the Marines...yes all men forget things but this man took the cake when it came to forgetting things...but at least he had a good excuse I guess. So I texted him my address. 

There I was waiting...pacing the floors...fixing my hair...peeking out the window. 

Where was he?

He called me and said the address I gave him sent him to some park at the Girl Scout office. 

I was so flustered that I gave him my work address with my apartment number...talk about dumb.

After finally meeting up we sat in his truck for what felt like forever. Talking...rehashing...him saying I'm sorry...me NOT saying I'm sorry...both of us crying.

What in the world have I gotten myself into?

I finally looked at him and said "I need you to look me in the eyes and tell me we will never be together again. I need to hear that so we can end this finally"

"I can't do that." He said. 

You're dating someone new but you can't tell me that we will never be together again? You say that you didn't come here to start things again or try to make this work but you won't tell me that this will never happen between us? 

Is this a test God? I finally feel like I'm on the right track with you. I finally feel like I'm okay with being single and serving you while I wait. I'm finally really happy. 

This has to be a test.

I'm not ready for this test...I thought I was ready but now I don't know. 

Where does it go from here? 

This is a HUGE test and Lord I'm going to need your help. 

Nothing Left to Hide

It has taken a long time to get here.

To get to a place where I am satisfied in the Lord's love for me...

To embrace my mistakes and use them to encourage others, give advice, and live the life God has prepared me to live.

We all know those people who have lived the "perfect life". Those people who seem to have it all together, know what to do all the time, never make mistakes, and have every opportunity placed in front of them. We look at those Christians and think I wish I was like them...I wish I could follow Jesus like that...my life is such a mess...how could God possibly use me when He has someone like that?

It's in thoughts and moments like those that Satan creeps in and destroys, piece by piece, the beauty that God has destined us for and he robs us of the grace that was shown to us when Jesus died.

You see, we aren't meant to compare ourselves to other Christians. We are meant to compare ourselves to Christ and want to be more Christ like...not more like Ashley who seems to always have time to pray and read her Bible...not more like Michael who is always volunteering to lead worship and communion.

Don't get me wrong... making time for prayer and reading your Bible are important to your relationship with the Lord...and volunteering to lead and be involved in the church cultivates a fellowship within the church community that is much needed. It's when we start to compare ourselves and think that if we aren't doing it as much as your neighbor that you are a failure as a Christian.

No Christian is perfect.

The fact is that most of us Christians have struggled and fought a long fight to get to where we are today. Most of us have waded through the mess of life and the decisions we have made. Most of us have even failed miserably, time upon time, at being someone that pleases the Lord. If we were honest with each other in the church community, we would realize that most of us have stories and lives that we could use for God's benefit even when Satan tell us that's not possible.

Trust me, it wasn't over night that I came to this conclusion. It wasn't an AHA moment that I had where I realized that everything I had done wrong, all the times I disappointed my parents, put my future in jeopardy, and was scraping the bottom of the barrel...I could turn those things around and use for God's glory. In fact on a daily basis I am amazed at how much grace God has shown me over the last 5 years.

It was about 5 years ago that I felt like my world was crashing down. The decisions I chose to make were finally catching up to me and there wasn't anything I could do to stop it from happening.

I had been dating a man for about 5 months and I thought he was "the one". Don't ask me why I thought he was "the one" because I honestly couldn't tell you to this day. The only explanation I have now is that I was lonely, I didn't trust God fully, and I thought I was old enough to settle down. Plain and simple...and plain dumb! Because I thought he was "the one" I saw nothing wrong with having sex with him on a regular basis. That's what a serious relationship is anyway right? We had talked about getting married so I mean there's no harm in having sex if we were going to get married at some point anyway.

In July of 2010 I found out that I was pregnant. I was in denial...this wasn't happening...I wasn't married...I had a semi-minimum wage retail job that I hated...I was leaving in 2 weeks to go on a mission trip...I couldn't be pregnant. Let's be real folks...I had heartburn radiating every inch of my body, I couldn't keep anything down but water, I was the grouchiest person you ever met in your life, and I was late.

I was pregnant.

Now what....

I sat in the bathroom by myself while he waited outside...3 pregnancy tests staring back at me all saying positive and all I wanted to do was sink into the corner of the bathroom and never come out...at least for the next 9 months. I eventually came out of the bathroom and he knew...he could see the fear on my face. My parents didn't like him...my friends weren't huge fans of him...he was black...and now we were pregnant.

I decided to go to the doctor just to be sure...you know as if 3 pregnancy tests weren't enough. I went to the doctor and then drove straight to work with my cell phone stuck to my side all evening waiting for that phone call from the doctor. I was standing in line at a coffee joint on my break when my cell phone rang. The nurse informed me that I was definitely pregnant and that I needed to start scheduling appointments. I hung up.

I sat there drinking my coffee...staring out into space...my mind was racing. The first thing I did was text my best friend. At first she thought I was joking but when she realized I wasn't she said okay...well it will be okay...you can go away for a while and give it to (a couple at church who was wanting to adopt a baby at that time) and then everything will be okay. I laughed and said yeah...yeah...that's it...adoption.

I'm going to be honest. From the moment I found I was pregnant I wanted it to be over. Adoption never came to my mind...having it never came to my mind...I wanted to act like it never happened...go to a clinic...let's not talk about it...IT NEVER HAPPENED!

I was always that person who hated the idea of abortion. I looked down on everyone who even had a thought about abortion...who ever had an abortion... anyone who worked at an abortion clinic or supported abortions...they were awful people and that will NEVER be me!

There I was...sitting in a clinic...filling out the paperwork...awkwardly staring at the other women in the room. We were all there for the same reason but no one looked directly at anyone else. No one wanted to acknowledge why we were really there.

"Candice Yates" the nurse said. That's me...

I walked back to the room and sat down in a chair. I gave her the cash and she traded it with two pain pills in a white cup. "Take these" she said "it helps dull the pain."

I put the gown on, laid down on the table/chair, and waited for the doctor to come. I had no idea what I was doing.

I came alone...I decided alone...I was alone. I was alone in a cold, blank room with no direction or idea of what I was doing.

It was the most painful thing I have ever been through in my entire life. After it was all over I had to drive the hour back home. I'm not even sure how I made it back home because my mind was so blank. I just kept staring off into space not being able to comprehend what just happened.

I got home, put on my uniform, and went to work like it never happened.

But it did happen.

The next week I packed up my things and went on the mission trip to the Dominican Republic as planned. My body was still going through the shock of what just happened but I didn't care and I didn't let it stop me. I pushed through the pain and tried to out do everyone while we did manual labor every day. I was surrounded by people who I knew and loved and they had no idea what I was thinking about for 7 hours a day while shoveling cement.

When I got back from the trip things went downhill for my relationship. We broke up and there I was again. Alone.

I hid it from everyone. I hid it from my best friend. I hid it from my parents. I hid it from my coworkers. I hid it from everyone around me. My emotions were taking a huge hit while I kept this bottled up inside but I still thought I could handle it alone. I turned away from God because I thought there was no way he was still on my side.

It has taken a few years to deal with the damage my choices have caused. It took me a long time to realize that God still loved me and wanted to use me despite everything. God's grace is so far beyond my comprehension that even someone like me...someone who chose to have an abortion could bring glory to God.

Satan's lies almost got the best of me 5 years ago and I almost gave up.

But God had a different plan for me and my story. He chose me to minister to people who think they cannot be saved. He chose me to reach out to those who feel that there is no turning back. He chose me to be an example of someone that can be brought back to God.

He has brought me to a place where I rest in His Love, His Mercy, and His Grace.

"for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. God presented Christ as a sacrifice of atonement, through the shedding of his blood—to be received by faith. He did this to demonstrate his righteousness, because in his forbearance he had left the sins committed beforehand unpunished— he did it to demonstrate his righteousness at the present time, so as to be just and the one who justifies those who have faith in Jesus"

Romans 3:23-26

The F Word

Feminist

The other F word that a lot of people aren't a huge fan of now days.

When I hear the word feminist I think of a bitter woman who hates men, only supports the success of single headstrong women, and holds picket signs outside of court houses and businesses that refuse to acknowledge a woman's worth more than a man.

It's safe to say that I have never thought any differently of the word feminist or what it means to support feminism.

When you look up the word feminism in the dictionary it states the following: The doctrine — and the political movement based on it — that women should have the same economic, social, and political rights as men.

That doesn't sound so bad does it? It doesn't use the words bitter, headstrong, or picketing anywhere in the definition.

Working for the largest girl-led and girl-serving organization in the country it is hard not to think about feminism and how the world around us affects women and young girls. It is hard to not be involved in promoting women's rights in some facet.

This past Friday night I met a gentleman from Ghana named Steven. He was visiting the Campus House at ETSU for World Cafe night. World Cafe is where the international students at ETSU (or anyone really) are invited to come and hang out, play games, eat, and get to know one another.
It was Steven's first night there and I struck up a conversation with him based on my traveling that I had done in Ghana in 2006. He asked me what I did for a living and I said I worked for Girl Scouts.

"What is Girl Scouts?" he says

Ummm...it's Girl Scouts...My mind went blank...I'm not use to people not knowing what Girl Scouts is and what we do for girls. I took a moment to compose my thoughts and began to explain to him who we are as an organization. I explained to him that we teach young girls/women to be empowered. We teach them business skills, time management, social skills, and help them gain the confidence they need to enter the world as successful women. I explained to him about our cookie program and how that funds all the activities to teach the girls all of these skills I had mentioned.

He looked at me puzzled and said "A cookie provides all of that? So how can we get these cookies in Ghana?"

I chuckled and said well you can always take some back with you in your suitcase and then I realized he meant much more than wanting the actual cookie. He began to tell me about the culture in Northern Ghana and how women we were not treated as equals. He explained that in the north women are very low on the cultural scale and are looked down upon majority of the time. A married woman must submit to her husband to the fullest extent and before she speaks with him she must drop to her knees, put her head down, and ask for permission to talk to him.

He said "You see this is why we need this cookie in Ghana."

I began to think about what this program means to girls all over this country and all over the world. I already consider my job to be a joy and a job that is making a difference in the lives of young women, but this really got me thinking. What if we share stories like the one Steven shared with girls in this country and what if they wanted to do something about it? What if we empowered young women all over America to reach out to young women in other countries who need encouragement or confidence? It definitely gives a new meaning to my job and the girls I work with on a weekly basis.

I do not consider myself a feminist and I am not sure that I ever will but I do consider myself someone who wants to give young women a purpose for their lives. Whether it is helping them to succeed in the work place or whether it is helping them achieve a dream of reaching communities around the world with young women just like those in Ghana.

The F word isn't such a bad thing after all.

"Feminism isn't about making women stronger. Women are already strong. It's about changing the way the world perceives that strength."
G.D Anderson

Age Is Just A Number

"To live will be an awfully big adventure"

J.M.Berrie (author of Peter Pan)

The thought of turning 29 excites and scares me all at the same time. I don't feel 29...I don't look 29 (or at least I hope I don't), and I certainly don't act 29 a good percentage of the time. So why does the thought of turning this rather meaningless age frighten me? 

When I was younger I always thought by 25 I would be married with a couple of kids and living in a house with a few dogs and a career that I worked hard for in college. That is what is considered to be typical for us Southern girls...a married, college educated mother who drives a minivan to football practice and standing at the Girl Scout cookie booths with her daughter on weekends. 

If you know me at all...the above list is not me...not even close! At 25 I was working a retail job that I didn't want forever. I was dating a guy that I probably already knew I wouldn't marry, and I had left college after 2 years of being frustrated with my accomplishments. I was WAY off track of where I wanted to be in life. I constantly compared myself to those who were married or engaged and I often thought that my parents were secretly wondering if all hope was lost in me being the woman they tried to raise. 

After getting over the hump of 25 I started to change my viewpoint on my life and the person I had become. By age 28 I realized that the timeline that others and myself keep for 20 something women was not realistic nor was it fair. By comparing myself to everyone around me I was missing out on the opportunities I had been given. 

I have been to 28 countries in the last 10 years. I have traveled to some of the most beautiful places on earth, had fellowship with some of the most amazing cultures, and been a part of some of the craziest adventures one could imagine. I get the opportunity to serve my community in ways that I choose to because of the free time that I have in my schedule. I am able to give time to my church that a parent or a married person would not be able to possibly give. The adventures that I am able to choose to take part in are vast and extremely exciting! 

I remind myself constantly that I would not be able to do a majority of these things if I had a husband or a child. I would not be able to be the adventurous soul that I am...I would not be able to satisfy the wanderlust that is deep within me...I would not be able to serve God in the many ways I am able to being single!

It has taken me a few years to reach this point of happiness of being single and growing older but a few things I have learned are things that any single 20-30 something can take away from this blog.

Don't pity yourself for not having a significant other.
Do take advantage of your single life and plan adventures

Don't envy what new parents or newly weds have.
Do soak up your alone time and use it to benefit your community.

Don't dwell on relationships and dating
Do pray for future encounters (but this should not be your focus)

Don't get in a rut of mindless dating
Do date purposefully

Don't settle (I mean it! If you get a feeling...trust yourself)
Do be realistic

Don't compare your life to those who are the same age or younger than you.
Do look for opportunities to thank God for blessing you.

Being single is and can be a gift from God. Use this time to worship him and focus on your relationship. Pursue a relationship with God and pray for wisdom for future relationships, friendships, and opportunities that he gives you in this journey!

God Guinness and Green Celebrations

"If I have any worth, it is to live my life for God so as to teach these peoples; even though some of them still look down on me."

Saint Patrick

St Patrick's Day is a day that has lost its meaning over time and quite frankly, most people (especially American's) aren't even sure why the day is recognized and celebrated.

Saint Patrick was a British Christian who was captured at the age of 16 by Irish raiders and was enslaved for 6 years during the fourth century. He escaped slavery in his early 20's and returned to Britain where he studied in the ministry and became a Parish for nearly 20 years. God had changed his mind and heart through the years of his captivity and he had developed an understanding of the Irish culture and its people. At the age of 48 he had a dream that he was being called back to the Irish people to spread the gospel among them.

The Irish were considered to be "Barbarians" and an misunderstood culture but Patrick had grown to know them, their language, and culture through the six years of his captivity. He would return to Ireland to evangelize the people and meet them where they were. He was not returning to Ireland to refine the culture but to minister to their needs and proclaim freedom in Christ.

The British leaders scoffed at Patrick's approach to spreading the gospel and the idea of him spending time and living life with the "pagans" and "sinners" was not something they wanted to support. Patrick approached his ministry the same way Jesus did during his time on earth. In Mark 2:17 Jesus states that he came not to call the righteous but the sinners. As a Christian in today's culture we need to remind ourselves of the attitude Saint Patrick had even in the 4th and 5th century. 

So after hearing the history of Saint Patrick...how did we get to the celebrations we have today in America of mindless alcohol-fueled debauchery?

I think that many Christians today are afraid of venturing into the dark places of the world and into the places that are whispered about among the church but that is where the Gospel needs to be heard! The Gospel needs to be heard from those who are choosing to live a life outside of the freedom of Christ. The Gospel needs to be heard by those who are in the bars becoming carelessly drunk, looking for that one night stand, and trying to live out the last few moments abandon choices. 

I think for some Christians evangelizing is a scary word and thought. And if you aren't confident and strong in your faith it can be a dangerous thing to put yourself in a situation that the devil could use against you. 

Here's some pointers for all of you who want to know the best way to evangelize...

Don't do the crazy Jesus Loves You stare...you know you do it...

Don't pretend to be perfect...because we know you aren't

Don't get frustrated...woosah 

Don't be a bad listener...rolling your eyes is not suggested

Don't invade their personal space...all you huggers out there...you know how you are!

Do participate in a conversation that is important to that person.

Do listen to how that person feels.

Do love them where they are...you were there too!

Do be transparent about your walk with Christ

Do invite them to an event/place where they can fellowship.

Do remember this does not happen overnight

Do be patient.

As Christians we need to meet these people where they are and instead of trying to change them let Christ do the changing.

Go put your green shirt on, grab a Guinness (or a water) and spread the Gospel to those most in need.

"I pray to God to give me perseverance and to deign that I be a faithful witness to Him to the end of my life for my God."

Saint Patrick