Tier 2 Adult

During a conversation with a fellow young adult, they told me I seemed to have it all together.

I'll be honest... I looked behind me and around the room to make sure they were talking to me and not someone behind me.

Me? Have it together? HA!

In our small group we have a joke about Tier 1-2-3 adults.
Tier 1- you are the age of an adult but still pretty dependent on your parents
Tier 2- you are independent (pay bills, full time job) but you don't have any dependents
Tier 3- full fledged adulthood...kids..house... the whole shebang

You see by those standards I'm a Tier 2 adult. I have a full time job. I pay my bills. I clean my house. I cook (by that I mean I put 90 second rice in the microwave all by myself). But have it together? I have never really thought of myself as having it together.

That got me thinking. As young adults we compare ourselves to other people in our age range by what they have accomplished, married or single, kids, own a home, etc. I constantly compare my 29 year old life to those I see who are married, have a college degree, have a baby on the way, or just bought their first home. I, myself, do not have a college degree, I'm not married, I don't want kids, I rent my apartment, and I'm still paying on debt that I accumulated by being stupid. How does this person think I have it together?

I realized I'm not the only one comparing myself and my accomplishments or non accomplishments to those my age.

I have come a long way in the past few years from where I was but I am not where I want to be. Some days I'm lucky to feel like an adult just by prepping the coffee the night before. Other days I feel like I've got it together when my bra and underwear match. Then there are those days where I have intellectual conversations, solve crazy issues at work, use my planner in the correct way, get to appointments, and have meetings where I feel like I"m useful.

The point is everyone has their days and today just may not be the day where you feel like a true Tier 2 adult.  Tomorrow you may get to all your appointments/meetings on time and you might do laundry the best you've ever done it in your life. I've had to realize that I don't/can't/won't have it together all of the time and every minute of the day.

There are seasons of life where your bra and underwear match every day and you got through every meeting successfully without falling asleep. This season of life for me is one where I feel like carrying around a Tier 2 adult trophy but I constantly remind myself that the next season of life I might be picking up that 90 second bag of rice off the floor and people are asking my why I didn't brush my hair today.

I've learned that when you are gliding through this season of life with ease it's so easy to look at someone who is struggling and judge them. Remember that you were once that person or you will be that person at some point and take a moment to encourage them. What may seem like a harmless comment/joke could really kick someone when they are feeling down. I've been there... the truth is when that person told me they thought I had it together I felt like I was barely holding on to anything. We never know what someone is facing throughout each day and though it may appear to you that they have it together (or it may not, building someone up is much more satisfying.

To all you Tier 2 adults out there... find little things that you accomplish each day and make something out of that small feat. 

Mind The Gap

Mind The Gap- An audible of visual warning phrase used to warn people to proceed with caution while entering a station platform. 

Mind the gap is also a good phrase to use when approaching the every day topics that swirl in our society. The spatial gap between Christians and Non-Christians. 

Everywhere you turn there are two phrases that continue to be a part of every day jargon. 

Open Minded and Close Minded. 

We are told to be Open Minded to new ideas, thoughts, feelings, actions, and lifestyles. We are told to accept everything and reject nothing. We are scoffed when we disagree with what the world says is acceptable. We are made to feel wrong when we choose to say no in a world of yes.

As a Christian in today's society it is increasingly harder to know where you should stand and what battles are worth fighting. Love the sinner, hate the sin. We all know that phrase but what does that look like? How are we suppose to navigate a series of, what feels like traps, in a way that honor Christ but reflect our faith? 

I wish I had the answer but I don't. Some days I feel like I got it right and the things I said to someone have clicked. Then there are other days when the choices I make because of my faith are so outwardly condemned I start to question my motives and actions. 

As a Christian I have chosen to live a life worthy of Christ and with that choice there are actions/lifestyles/ideas that I cannot knowingly accept and still confidently walk in Christ. For the first time in my life I feel the weight of free will on my chest. I struggle daily with the thought of how much easier it would be to just live my life and not worry about how the rest of the world is fairing. 

Judgement is another word that is so quickly used today as well. Bible verses are being thrown around by those who know nothing about those who wrote the Bible, why it was written, or the Bible as a whole. Christians are being attacked by the very tool that was meant to provide comfort, power, and refuge. The moment a Christian has an opinion that differs from the world we are judging and we are close minded. I don't know how to fix that and I don't have all the answers. All I have is what my heart struggles with daily and what God is doing to help me through this life. 

This may come as a shock to some of you but as a Christian we should expect to face adversity and we should come to understand that there is a reason the world hates us disagreeing with it. We were made for something more. 

“If we find ourselves with a desire that nothing in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that we were made for another world.” - C.S. Lewis

The most recent uproar lately has been revolving around the transgender lifestyle and course Bruce Jenner. Bruce Jenner has been called a hero for his outward expression of an inward struggle. Yes you read that right...inward struggle...because I feel that is what is happening. An inward struggle to find his place in the world and for people struggling, our world today offers what seem to be answers. People who struggle grasp for anything and for his struggle the label hero has been given. Call me crazy but hero isn't the word that comes to my mind. 

The only word I see that ring true to this situation and issue is "weakness"...being unable to turn from the things of this world and giving in to what the world presents as a answer to the inward struggle. 

Where is the fine line of accepting a lifestyle/idea and saying no to something that seeks to destroy all that God has planned for his people? When do we close our minds to what the world is offering and open our hearts to give what the world is missing? 

As I said before, I don't claim to have all the answers and my walk with Christ is a daily development and an opportunity to grow. My pastor touched on this point very briefly Sunday when he said that the time for us to fight certain battles is coming and that there will come a time when it will be harder and harder to live as a Christian in this world. The only thing I disagree with is that the time has already come...it is just going to get more difficult as the days pass. There will come a time when we must choose and the time is here. 

"Dark and difficult times lie ahead. Soon we must all face the choice between what is right and what is easy."- Harry Potter 

All we can do is live and teach as Christ would and let Him take care of the rest. All we can do is live according to His Word and grow our own knowledge of Him. We should act in a way that supports the gospel. 

"But in your hearts revere Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hop that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect, keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander. For it is better, if it is God's will, to suffer for doing good than for doing evil. For Christ also suffered once for sins, the righteous for the unrighteous, to bring you to God. He was put to death in the body but made alive in the Spirit." 

1 Peter 3:15-18 

I Have Left My Heart In So Many Places

The moment I heard about the earthquake in Nepal my heart broke. I think because I left a piece of it back in Nepal with the people I spent so much time laughing with, eating with, and living with on a daily basis.

I had been torn between sticking to the alumni trip to Cuba or going to Nepal to be beside the people of Nepal as they pick up the broken pieces of their lives.

You see the thing is, I portray myself to be a hard-ass...not easily broken...an emotionally strong woman. In reality those that know me know that seeing the people of the world suffer can bring me to my knees in a moment. My heart aches every time I see a new update from my friend Reuben. See the brokenness of the people he is serving. Watching the emptiness in their eyes take over as he speaks to them about their homes being gone. It would be easy to not watch the videos or scroll through the pictures but God has given me a heart for his people and I can't do that.

I recently made the decision to transfer my funds from the alumni trip to Cuba to a trip to Nepal in December of this year with Adventures in Missions. This is an all adult trip that will go to Nepal to help in the rebuilding efforts. The more I thought about Reuben and the more I prayed about why my heart was feeling unsettled about Cuba, I knew that I should listen.

I'm going to make this one short and sweet... Please pray for Nepal.

Pray for the World Race team that is there currently serving.

Pray for the upcoming trips Adventures in Missions will be doing this fall including the one I am signed up for in December.

Pray for Reuben and his team as they are going out daily to take food,water,blankets,and aid to people in villages that have not been reached since the first earthquake. Below are some pictures that Reuben and his team have taken during their trips out to rural villages. Continue to lift them up in your prayers in the days and weeks to come as they continue their efforts!

Photo Credits :Reuben Rai 

Stage 5 Clinger

"A date is an experience you have with another person that makes you appreciate being alone"

- Larry David 

I was trying to be more open minded and not so rigid on my choice of men.

I wanted to try and be more open to dating a man who I may not be immediately attracted to at first but could grow to be fond of down the road.

I had people keep telling me I was too picky and that I needed to not jump to conclusions so quickly on people... so that's what I did.

I said yes to go on a date with a man that I wasn't necessarily attracted to at first but he seemed nice...seemed genuine...what could it hurt?

During our correspondence of getting to know each other before our big date he seemed to take a genuine interest in me. Texting frequently...calling every so often...asking lots of questions. At first it didn't bother me too much and I just thought well we are just getting to know each other it may just be an in the beginning type thing. So I went with it and agreed to go on a Harley ride with him and his buddies for charity.

I put on my knee high black boots, that velvet red lipstick, and prepared for our first date.

I was a tad nervous because I hadn't rode Harley's that much but it seemed fun!

When I met his friends for the first time and he introduced me as his girlfriend, the red flags started popping up everywhere...

Girlfriend? This is our first date mister... My face was as red as my hair and lips...

Every part of me was wanting to bail at that point but I kept telling myself no... I need to be open minded...maybe he misunderstood...maybe he just really likes me...maybe he...ahhh hell let's be honest...maybe this is why this guy is single!

There wasn't really any way I could get out of this date. The man picked me up on his Harley and we were 25 minutes away from my vehicle. So I stuck it out and hopped on the back of the bike for the next 3-4 hours. During that time we stopped a couple of times and he tried to be affectionate towards me...

If anyone knows me at all knows that my body language and face say everything... I wasn't having it! Please stop touching me, trying to hold my hand, and dear Lord please stop kissing my cheek every time you put my helmet on me... I am not a 3 year old! I was in sheer panic mode at this point. I was texting friends alerting them to the Stage 5 Clinger status I had going on at that time. Mayday Mayday... S.O.S.

I powered through the ride trying to enjoy the scenery and the fact that he couldn't really talk to me while we were going 60 MPH down the highway. Once the date was over and I was safely back in my car I felt free. Screw open mindedness on dating...this guy was crazy!

I finally got home and jumped in the shower...10 minutes later I had 7 missed calls and several text messages. "Do you like me?" "Why are you on Facebook but you can't text me back?"

SERIOUSLY?!? I finally fessed up and told him he was too clingy and his response? "How am I clingy?" You just called me 7 times in 10 minutes and checked up on me and you don't know how you are clingy? After several texts back and forth I finally ended up blocking his number.

If this is what dating is I will take being single with my cat Carl.

Hear me now... I do not claim to be an expert on dating (clearly as evidence from above) but why does being picky have to be a bad thing? So what I have a list... I have a list of must haves and don't even think about its. I have things that I want and things that make me run the other way. Yes, I am single and 29 but I'm also not 29 and wishing I wasn't married to someone I was so open-minded about years earlier.

Being opened minded about the way a man chews is totally different than being opened minded about someone who makes you feel suffocated. Someone who is already asking you to give up things you are involved in and put time towards isn't something I want to be open minded about.

That dating qualities list...its not super long...but it now has No Stage 5 Clingers added under Christian and Must Have a Sense of Humor.

All I Can Do Is Pray

When I asked God a few years ago to give me a heart for his people I never knew that that meant I would feel the ache of those hurting...that I would be burdened with a heart of compassion for those in turmoil...that I would feel the deep burning to be where they are when I know I cannot.

Every picture I see of Nepal hits me hard.
Every status I read about my friends hurting crushes my heart.
Every prayer I feel the need to pray brings me to my knees.

Why?

Natural disasters happen quite often and while I do feel sadness for those impacted this is different. When you have spent some of your most memorable moments next to someone, seeing them hurting has more of an impact than just seeing the news scroll across your TV. It's so easy to see the death toll plastered on news articles, say how sad, and then push it out of your mind. When it is happening to people that you have served with, lived with, eaten meals with, hugged goodbye...it changes everything. 

I logged on to Facebook and saw the updates coming from friends in the middle of the epicenter. 

Facebook Status Update from our contact on The World Race, Reuben Rai April 27th 9:45 PM Kathmandu, Nepal Time:

500 Christians are fear dead, 200 alone in Dhadhing near Quake center, 100 in Kathmandu, and 200 in rest areas. Total dead bodies collected exceeded 4000. More then 50,000 in intensive care unit. Thousands awaiting rescue and help. Hundreds still missing in Everest avalanche. No water in shop, no food and vegetables since market is not open. Because of fear of more quake, people still are in open field in cold and rain with their little new born babies, difficult for children and elderly. People are starting to have flue, fever and cold. We will start to help others from tomorrow. Its Monday 9:37 PM. Just hitted by Quake again at 9:37 pm

Photo courtesy of Omar Havana- Getty Images

Everything in me wants to pack a bag right now and get on a flight to be there on the ground. Having my hands physically aiding those in need...hugging those who I know and are hurting...

I feel so useless sitting here in my comfy home with all the water I need...with shelter...

All I can do is pray...

Why God did you give me a heart for them if I cannot do anything but pray?

As soon as I let those words come out I felt so stupid...

As if prayer does nothing...

God has let me have many opportunities to be the hands and feet on the ground during moments in people's lives that they felt so helpless but this was not a time I could do that. This was a time I needed to learn the power of prayer.

That's when I saw this status update from Reuben.

Facebook Status Update from our contact on The World Race, Reuben Rai April 26th 10:45 PM Kathmandu, Nepal Time:

Latest. I ask one womn y u all r here in church you r not even a xian n she said bcause there is safty hre. Your God protcts

They are in the midst of this disaster and he is seeking out moments where God reveals himself. He is choosing to see God is still his protector and those around him that are not even Christians are seeking out God. 

How could I think that God will not work through the prayers of us here in the U.S.? When we say to someone 'I will pray for you', what does that mean? Do we really pray? Do we think it is going to do anything other than comfort in that moment? 

When someone says that they will pray for you it should bring a wave of comfort...you should trust it...you should have faith. 

All that I can do is the best thing I can do right now and that is pray for Nepal, pray for Reuben, pray for his family, and pray for our other friends. Pray to the God who created this world and pray to the God who is most merciful. 

As you go through your day please pray fiercely and with purpose for those in Nepal, for He will hear our prayers. 

This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us - whatever we ask- we know that we have what we asked of him.

1 John 5:14-15

Loving Yourself

The moment I ran the velvet lipstick over my bottom lip I felt more confident. The red color soaked up my plain lips and with a name like Cruella, who wouldn't feel invincible!

I go through phases of loving my body and phases of feeling confident in the way I am today. Phases where anything I put on that day feels like it fits like a glove and I walk out of the house with a sass in my step. Then there are the days where I go through 12 of the same exact t shirt/pair of pants and I feel like nothing looks good on me at all.

We all have those days... and sometimes it feels those "nothing fits right" days out number our sassy/unstoppable days.

I have been trying for a few months to drop some weight and I was feeling like nothing I did could make me see a change. I cut down my soda intake, my fast food intake, added some small exercise routines, worked on my sleeping habits...nothing was working! I found myself comparing my efforts to those around me who were pinning those workout suggestions on Pinterest or posting pictures of themselves at the finish line of a 5K or those awkward gym selfies that (let's be honest) no one really cares if you're workout went great or not.

I don't really pin workouts on Pinterest because well... I probably won't do them. I definitely don't sign up for any 5K's because the only places I'm usually running to are the bathroom or to the car if it is pouring the rain. I might be guilty of one or two gym selfies when I actually use to be a regular gym goer but now my selfies include hugging my cat Carl while he struggles for air and freedom.

I will admit that over the past few years I have obsessed a lot less about being a bit overweight. I'm not sure if its because the older I get I am focused on more important things, I just don't care, or I've become more open to accepting that I will never be a size 6 woman.

The older I get I do realize that older men look for more of a personality and someone to enjoy their time with rather than a size 6 to show off to their buddies. No... I'm not saying that I long to be thinner so that I can gain the attention of a man... that is only a tiny piece of this struggle. More often than not I find myself telling a man that if he doesn't like how I look then he can hit the road. It is mostly women that I find myself seeking the attention/approval of when it comes to looks. It seems to be that women are more critical of other women than men ever were or tend to be these days. If we know how it feels to be judged on our appearance then why do we do it to each other?

It is a difficult thing to work on comparing yourself to others and judging others as well. Some times we catch ourselves casting judgement on people even without meaning to do so. "I can't believe she thinks that shirt looks okay on her." or "Did she even look in the mirror before she left the house this morning?" I will be the first to admit I have done it and still do it just in every day conversation without thinking twice about how I feel when that happens to me.

It moments like that when I realize I quite possibly need to spend more time grounding myself in the Lord. Yes, I realize this sounds silly and trivial and a moment where you are thinking.. yeah yeah... the answer is always Jesus...get closer to God but really people...it is the answer!
The more I pour myself into the word and the more I spend focusing on Christ the less I see myself acting like someone I would be ashamed of or doing things I don't approve of when its on the flip side. No there isn't a specific verse that says " and Jesus said... do not make fun of the girl in the ugly shirt or do not make jokes because another girl did something weird with her hair."
But the Bible does call us to be Christ like... and being Christ like covers a multitude of attitudes, issues, and priorities. The more you become more Christ like you will learn to love yourself in return.

Over the past few months I have been working on walking the straight and narrow, as they say. Spending my time focusing on my relationship with the Lord and although I am no where near where I need to be... I am not where I once was.

I find myself leaving the house more confident whether it is in those paint stained workout pants and a Goodwill t-shirt or that cute dress and red lipstick... I'm walking out of the house confident in the Lord's plans for me and that whatever happens today or how I look...I can make it a rough day and complain about my muffin top that I don't necessarily work on improving or I can make it a good day and only let words of encouragement about myself and others come across those velvet red lips.

For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

Ephesians 2:10

Who Am I?

We recently took a personality test at our organization for an upcoming training that we will be going through for the next several months.

The definition of a DiSC test which is taken directly from the DiSC profile website: DiSC is a personal assessment tool used to improve work productivity, teamwork and communication. DiSC is non-judgmental and helps people discuss their behavioral differences.

Non-judgmental... hmmm...what an interesting choice of words.

To no surprise I was was ranked a HIGH D which in one word represents dominance. As I began reading the assessment I thought, wow how spot on this test seems to be! It says I'm competitive, can support of oppose strongly (in other words opinionated), determined, independent, venturesome, and decisive. Those were the main things that stuck out to me as I was reading the profile. They seemed like great descriptions of what I would consider myself and how I would hope others would consider me but then I saw it...the portion of the assessment that explained how others may perceive me.

I see myself as assertive, confident, and competitive.

Others moderate perception of me is that I am demanding, egotistical, aggressive and nervy.

Hmmm...well that's interesting...but hey I can take it...

But then we had other's extreme perception of me which is that I am abrasive, controlling, opinionated, and arbitrary. Well then!

I'd be lying if I hadn't heard some of those adjectives describe me before. In fact I won most opinionated for my Senior Superlative in high school. Controlling...yeah I might be the back seat driver or the person who just does things myself because I know I'll do it right the first time. Abrasive? Okay... I might have told a few people what I really think about them in no uncertain terms or feeling the need to soften the blow.

When going down this list it can be really easy for me to see the negatives of my assessment. It can be really easy to focus on how others may see me in certain situations and quite frankly how I simply come across in the reality of a situation. It can be hard to remember those positive descriptions in the beginning.

During youth group last night our youth director Greg was talking to the kids about the apostle Peter and how the Lord decided to change his name. Peter was a impulsive thinker who jumped on opportunities without thinking and most of the time they weren't the best decisions one could have made. But God chose to make him the rock on which His church was built. He changed his name to Peter to represent how Jesus saw him and for his abilities and what the Lord had destined Peter to be in the future. He didn't rename him a name that represented his faults or bad personality traits but rather named him something that would destine him to proclaim the glory of God.

As Greg stated last night, if we were asked what our names would be changed to based on our characteristics, most people jump to some negative qualities that overshadow some of our strengths. But God wouldn't rename us something that he hasn't created us to be. He sees us for the potential that we have and for those characteristics that he has given us to use to further the Kingdom.

I am determined...determined to follow Christ and show others His great love.
I am venturesome...I will accept opportunities to travel to the ends of the earth to share the Gospel.
I am decisive...I have decided to follow Jesus and live a life worthy of His calling.
I am independent...I am comfortable with fulfilling my purpose for God with or without a husband.
I am confident...I am confident that my faithfulness to the Lord will bring everlasting life.

Before going down your list of personality traits remember to ask God to show you how He sees you and how you can use those characteristics to bring glory to Him.