I allowed myself two full days of laying on the couch and drifting in and out of long periods of naps with Netflix in the background.
I allowed myself bouts of uncontrollable cries and the constant irritation of replaying conversations in my head.
If you don't know this about me yet, here it is...
Whether it is my fault or not, it will drive me insane to know that someone is upset with me.
I need to fix it.
I'm a fixer. I want to fix situations, people, and all the things...fix it all!
But here in lies the problem with being a fixer.
When you live in a broken world among broken people, being a fixer can break you.
No matter how good your intentions are or how much you care about the person-
it...will...break...you!
Sometimes friendships are hard and they take a lot of work. Any relationship where you have constant interactions with someone else requires work. Sometimes that work involves arguments, brutal honesty, accountability, and all the other fun things that we think of when we think of friendship. Right? Yeah...right....
I'm sure it was never fun when my best friend held me accountable when I was making poor choices. And I know it was never fun hearing her brutal honesty when I came to her and wanted an opinion. But it also was never fun when I didn't listen to her accountability and brutal honesty and I had to pay the prices of not valuing her input as a friend. And those few times we spent not talking were the least fun of all.
As a Christian, we are sometimes called to be broken and being a Christian friend is no different. Our hearts break when we see a friend choose the wrong path. Our hearts break when we feel resentment from the accountability. We feel broken when the friendship is under the stress of not seeing eye to eye. And we feel broken when communication breaks down and we find ourselves at odds.
"Wounds from a friend can be trusted but an enemy multiplies kisses." Proverbs 27:6
Though words/conversations may cause uneasiness and may seem severe at first, when it comes from a spirit of love, faithfulness, and integrity, should be considered friendly.
Having our hearts break and feeling broken is sometimes necessary to love someone to a better place. But when is it too much? When do you have to say 'this is where I draw the line' or 'this is no longer what Jesus meant when he called us to be broken'?
I don't think enduring a friendship that is draining to your faith and heart is something God wants for us. He does want us to love the broken and love those who need Him but there is a line.
That line starts when you hand it over to God and realize you can't fix it or them. You can't fix a broken friendship or a broken person. That is a burden that only He can bear and it is a heart issue only He can fix.
Calming your heart from wanting to fix everything and anything, and softening their heart to that kind of friendship.
You can't fix a torn friendship all alone and the other person won't want that kind of friendship until he/she is willing to let God be the center of his/her life.
That is a heart break in and of itself...But...
Knowing and admitting you can't fix everything may just be a fix itself.
You can't fix everything but you can fix your eyes on God.
I allowed myself bouts of uncontrollable cries and the constant irritation of replaying conversations in my head.
If you don't know this about me yet, here it is...
Whether it is my fault or not, it will drive me insane to know that someone is upset with me.
I need to fix it.
I'm a fixer. I want to fix situations, people, and all the things...fix it all!
But here in lies the problem with being a fixer.
When you live in a broken world among broken people, being a fixer can break you.
No matter how good your intentions are or how much you care about the person-
it...will...break...you!
Sometimes friendships are hard and they take a lot of work. Any relationship where you have constant interactions with someone else requires work. Sometimes that work involves arguments, brutal honesty, accountability, and all the other fun things that we think of when we think of friendship. Right? Yeah...right....
I'm sure it was never fun when my best friend held me accountable when I was making poor choices. And I know it was never fun hearing her brutal honesty when I came to her and wanted an opinion. But it also was never fun when I didn't listen to her accountability and brutal honesty and I had to pay the prices of not valuing her input as a friend. And those few times we spent not talking were the least fun of all.
As a Christian, we are sometimes called to be broken and being a Christian friend is no different. Our hearts break when we see a friend choose the wrong path. Our hearts break when we feel resentment from the accountability. We feel broken when the friendship is under the stress of not seeing eye to eye. And we feel broken when communication breaks down and we find ourselves at odds.
"Wounds from a friend can be trusted but an enemy multiplies kisses." Proverbs 27:6
Though words/conversations may cause uneasiness and may seem severe at first, when it comes from a spirit of love, faithfulness, and integrity, should be considered friendly.
Having our hearts break and feeling broken is sometimes necessary to love someone to a better place. But when is it too much? When do you have to say 'this is where I draw the line' or 'this is no longer what Jesus meant when he called us to be broken'?
I don't think enduring a friendship that is draining to your faith and heart is something God wants for us. He does want us to love the broken and love those who need Him but there is a line.
That line starts when you hand it over to God and realize you can't fix it or them. You can't fix a broken friendship or a broken person. That is a burden that only He can bear and it is a heart issue only He can fix.
Calming your heart from wanting to fix everything and anything, and softening their heart to that kind of friendship.
You can't fix a torn friendship all alone and the other person won't want that kind of friendship until he/she is willing to let God be the center of his/her life.
That is a heart break in and of itself...But...
Knowing and admitting you can't fix everything may just be a fix itself.
You can't fix everything but you can fix your eyes on God.
Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless- it will change.
-C. S. Lewis
No comments:
Post a Comment