The Day I Became a White Christian American

For the first time personally, I was told that it must be nice to be a white American and that I would never understand what a minority is going through.

I have to admit that stung to the depths of places I didn't know existed. 

I've always been white. I've always been American. I've always been a Christian. But when did I become THAT  kind of white, American, Christian?

I have never considered myself better than any minority, race, or religion. I've spent many Friday nights building friendships with minorities of Johnson City because I enjoy their company and I'm always learning something from them. Heck 99% of them are smarter and more cultured than I would ever hope to be. Many are on their second masters degree and I'm still clinging to the 3 years of college that I made my way through. 

To say I respect them is an understatement. 

To say I love them is putting it mildly. 

So why am I being lumped into the white, Christian, American stereotype of bigotry, hate, and judgement when I'm none of those things? Why am I being blamed for the hurtful things Trump supporters are shouting at these people? 

Yes I did vote for Trump. 

No I'm not heartless or hateful 

Yes I voted against Hillary.

No I don't hate gays or immigrants or feminists  

Yes I voted Republican.

No, I'm not ignorant and sheltered or uneducated or redneck and backwoods.

I have been asked, how can you vote for Trump and be a Christian? 

The question should be, how can you vote for either candidate and claim that the person you voted for holds true to your Christian values?

You can't. 

You can vote for either of them and how they "promise" to grow small businesses, support the working class, protect your 2nd amendment right, and to help fix the broken economy. 

Neither candidate showed a Christ like attitude at any point of their campaign. And if you are shouting "Praise the Lord" for Trump winning because he is a Christian, then I'm not sure you grasp the understanding of what it means to be a Christian. 

To the victors from Tuesday, drop to your knees and ask God how you can show kindness to those who are angered by the results. Ask God to help you show those people who feel betrayed that God will not abandon them. Do your best to show them yes, love does win, God's love wins and both sides need to trust Him. 

To the underdogs, meet us halfway and let us show you we aren't all the same. You have asked to help you escape stereotypes at times and now we are asking you for the same. Allow us to comfort you and encourage you. Let us be a barrier to those who shed light on your deepest fears. 

I am Christian. I am White. I was born an American. I voted for Trump.

I can't meet you halfway to your pain if you push me away based on a stereotype.
I can't show you how wrong you might be about me if you only want to be right.
I can't  try to love you better despite our disagreements if you already hate me.

I can see you hurting and I can see your disappointment. 

I can only empathize as much as you will allow me to. 

I can only try to begin to understand as much as you try to explain it. 

I can and I will pray for your fears to be dissolved.

I can and I will try to get to know you for you and not your stereotype.

I can and I will be the opposite of picture that is painted of me.

Can you and will you?

You Can't Fix Everything

I allowed myself two full days of laying on the couch and drifting in and out of long periods of naps with Netflix in the background.

I allowed myself bouts of uncontrollable cries and the constant irritation of replaying conversations in my head.

If you don't know this about me yet, here it is...
Whether it is my fault or not, it will drive me insane to know that someone is upset with me.

I need to fix it.
I'm a fixer. I want to fix situations, people, and all the things...fix it all!

But here in lies the problem with being a fixer.

When you live in a broken world among broken people, being a fixer can break you.
No matter how good your intentions are or how much you care about the person-

it...will...break...you!

Sometimes friendships are hard and they take a lot of work. Any relationship where you have constant interactions with someone else requires work. Sometimes that work involves arguments, brutal honesty, accountability, and all the other fun things that we think of when we think of friendship. Right? Yeah...right....

I'm sure it was never fun when my best friend held me accountable when I was making poor choices. And I know it was never fun hearing her brutal honesty when I came to her and wanted an opinion. But it also was never fun when I didn't listen to her accountability and brutal honesty and I had to pay the prices of not valuing her input as a friend. And those few times we spent not talking were the least fun of all.

As a Christian, we are sometimes called to be broken and being a Christian friend is no different. Our hearts break when we see a friend choose the wrong path. Our hearts break when we feel resentment from the accountability. We feel broken when the friendship is under the stress of not seeing eye to eye. And we feel broken when communication breaks down and we find ourselves at odds.

"Wounds from a friend can be trusted but an enemy multiplies kisses." Proverbs 27:6

Though words/conversations may cause uneasiness and may seem severe at first, when it comes from a spirit of love, faithfulness, and integrity, should be considered friendly.

Having our hearts break and feeling broken is sometimes necessary to love someone to a better place. But when is it too much? When do you have to say 'this is where I draw the line' or 'this is no longer what Jesus meant when he called us to be broken'?

I don't think enduring a friendship that is draining to your faith and heart is something God wants for us. He does want us to love the broken and love those who need Him but there is a line.

That line starts when you hand it over to God and realize you can't fix it or them. You can't fix a broken friendship or a broken person. That is a burden that only He can bear and it is a heart issue only He can fix.

Calming your heart from wanting to fix everything and anything, and softening their heart to that kind of friendship.

You can't fix a torn friendship all alone and the other person won't want that kind of friendship until he/she is willing to let God be the center of his/her life.

That is a heart break in and of itself...But...

Knowing and admitting you can't fix everything may just be a fix itself.

You can't fix everything but you can fix your eyes on God.

Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless- it will change. 

-C. S. Lewis

Times Are Changing

I hugged my best friend and said goodbye.
I hugged that infamous side hug I always do and said the next time I see you, you will be a mom.
I patted her belly and told the boys that we would all see them very soon.
And then I pulled out of the driveway knowing things were going to be different.

When you're young, the future seems so far off and that 30 year old that hangs out with you at youth group seems like an almost unattainable age. When you meet your best friend at the age of 14, you don't think about how your lives will change and how your world can grow beyond your front door. When you are eating cereal at 2 am, giggling about your latest crush at school, and quoting your favorite movie together, it's hard to see that one day it will all be different.

No one told me growing up would change things.
No one told me growing up looks different for everyone...even for best friends.
No one told me growing up would be an adventure.
No one told me growing up was a gift.

I have a countdown to my 30th birthday, and some days I'm excited to turn 30 and reach a new point in my life. That countdown is like a countdown to the rest of my life and the adventures I've yet to take. Other days that countdown stares at me like a death sentence. I'm going to be 30 and single. I'm going to be 30 with no set career. I'm going to be 30 with a fat cat and an empty fish bowl.

As I drove the long road home from Nashville, I caught myself reminiscing about old times with my best friend. Late night sleepovers full of prank calls and junk food. Teenage arguments at summer camp over dumb things. Wedding days. Early morning texts over coffee and Jesus.

And then I realized...things have already been changing.

We have evolved from those goofy, sometimes selfish, teenagers to women of God. One of us a loving wife and soon to be mom and the other a single woman full of adventure and heart.

Things have already been changing and it will soon be changing again.

I use to be afraid of change until I realized that God uses change to shape us and to grow us to be more like Him. Each change I've experienced through the years has shaped me. Some of those changes I fought to the bitter end and some of those changes I had countdowns to look forward to them.

The years of change have taught my best friend and I how to love each other better...how she can love her husband better...how I can love myself better...how we both can love God better. And now as we both have countdowns to very different life events, I am looking forward to seeing what these can teach us.

As she welcomes two baby boys, may we all learn to love more unconditionally.
To have patience when our to do lists aren't finished.
To show grace when our emotions get the best of us.
To seek God as we learn to adapt to change.

As I turn 30, may we all learn to embrace new adventures.
To enjoy those times we have alone.
To seek new opportunities to serve God.
To trust that God has a plan for the things you pray for.

Times are changing...
And my countdowns are for the adventures that lead to the rest of my life.