Nothing Left to Hide

It has taken a long time to get here.

To get to a place where I am satisfied in the Lord's love for me...

To embrace my mistakes and use them to encourage others, give advice, and live the life God has prepared me to live.

We all know those people who have lived the "perfect life". Those people who seem to have it all together, know what to do all the time, never make mistakes, and have every opportunity placed in front of them. We look at those Christians and think I wish I was like them...I wish I could follow Jesus like that...my life is such a mess...how could God possibly use me when He has someone like that?

It's in thoughts and moments like those that Satan creeps in and destroys, piece by piece, the beauty that God has destined us for and he robs us of the grace that was shown to us when Jesus died.

You see, we aren't meant to compare ourselves to other Christians. We are meant to compare ourselves to Christ and want to be more Christ like...not more like Ashley who seems to always have time to pray and read her Bible...not more like Michael who is always volunteering to lead worship and communion.

Don't get me wrong... making time for prayer and reading your Bible are important to your relationship with the Lord...and volunteering to lead and be involved in the church cultivates a fellowship within the church community that is much needed. It's when we start to compare ourselves and think that if we aren't doing it as much as your neighbor that you are a failure as a Christian.

No Christian is perfect.

The fact is that most of us Christians have struggled and fought a long fight to get to where we are today. Most of us have waded through the mess of life and the decisions we have made. Most of us have even failed miserably, time upon time, at being someone that pleases the Lord. If we were honest with each other in the church community, we would realize that most of us have stories and lives that we could use for God's benefit even when Satan tell us that's not possible.

Trust me, it wasn't over night that I came to this conclusion. It wasn't an AHA moment that I had where I realized that everything I had done wrong, all the times I disappointed my parents, put my future in jeopardy, and was scraping the bottom of the barrel...I could turn those things around and use for God's glory. In fact on a daily basis I am amazed at how much grace God has shown me over the last 5 years.

It was about 5 years ago that I felt like my world was crashing down. The decisions I chose to make were finally catching up to me and there wasn't anything I could do to stop it from happening.

I had been dating a man for about 5 months and I thought he was "the one". Don't ask me why I thought he was "the one" because I honestly couldn't tell you to this day. The only explanation I have now is that I was lonely, I didn't trust God fully, and I thought I was old enough to settle down. Plain and simple...and plain dumb! Because I thought he was "the one" I saw nothing wrong with having sex with him on a regular basis. That's what a serious relationship is anyway right? We had talked about getting married so I mean there's no harm in having sex if we were going to get married at some point anyway.

In July of 2010 I found out that I was pregnant. I was in denial...this wasn't happening...I wasn't married...I had a semi-minimum wage retail job that I hated...I was leaving in 2 weeks to go on a mission trip...I couldn't be pregnant. Let's be real folks...I had heartburn radiating every inch of my body, I couldn't keep anything down but water, I was the grouchiest person you ever met in your life, and I was late.

I was pregnant.

Now what....

I sat in the bathroom by myself while he waited outside...3 pregnancy tests staring back at me all saying positive and all I wanted to do was sink into the corner of the bathroom and never come out...at least for the next 9 months. I eventually came out of the bathroom and he knew...he could see the fear on my face. My parents didn't like him...my friends weren't huge fans of him...he was black...and now we were pregnant.

I decided to go to the doctor just to be sure...you know as if 3 pregnancy tests weren't enough. I went to the doctor and then drove straight to work with my cell phone stuck to my side all evening waiting for that phone call from the doctor. I was standing in line at a coffee joint on my break when my cell phone rang. The nurse informed me that I was definitely pregnant and that I needed to start scheduling appointments. I hung up.

I sat there drinking my coffee...staring out into space...my mind was racing. The first thing I did was text my best friend. At first she thought I was joking but when she realized I wasn't she said okay...well it will be okay...you can go away for a while and give it to (a couple at church who was wanting to adopt a baby at that time) and then everything will be okay. I laughed and said yeah...yeah...that's it...adoption.

I'm going to be honest. From the moment I found I was pregnant I wanted it to be over. Adoption never came to my mind...having it never came to my mind...I wanted to act like it never happened...go to a clinic...let's not talk about it...IT NEVER HAPPENED!

I was always that person who hated the idea of abortion. I looked down on everyone who even had a thought about abortion...who ever had an abortion... anyone who worked at an abortion clinic or supported abortions...they were awful people and that will NEVER be me!

There I was...sitting in a clinic...filling out the paperwork...awkwardly staring at the other women in the room. We were all there for the same reason but no one looked directly at anyone else. No one wanted to acknowledge why we were really there.

"Candice Yates" the nurse said. That's me...

I walked back to the room and sat down in a chair. I gave her the cash and she traded it with two pain pills in a white cup. "Take these" she said "it helps dull the pain."

I put the gown on, laid down on the table/chair, and waited for the doctor to come. I had no idea what I was doing.

I came alone...I decided alone...I was alone. I was alone in a cold, blank room with no direction or idea of what I was doing.

It was the most painful thing I have ever been through in my entire life. After it was all over I had to drive the hour back home. I'm not even sure how I made it back home because my mind was so blank. I just kept staring off into space not being able to comprehend what just happened.

I got home, put on my uniform, and went to work like it never happened.

But it did happen.

The next week I packed up my things and went on the mission trip to the Dominican Republic as planned. My body was still going through the shock of what just happened but I didn't care and I didn't let it stop me. I pushed through the pain and tried to out do everyone while we did manual labor every day. I was surrounded by people who I knew and loved and they had no idea what I was thinking about for 7 hours a day while shoveling cement.

When I got back from the trip things went downhill for my relationship. We broke up and there I was again. Alone.

I hid it from everyone. I hid it from my best friend. I hid it from my parents. I hid it from my coworkers. I hid it from everyone around me. My emotions were taking a huge hit while I kept this bottled up inside but I still thought I could handle it alone. I turned away from God because I thought there was no way he was still on my side.

It has taken a few years to deal with the damage my choices have caused. It took me a long time to realize that God still loved me and wanted to use me despite everything. God's grace is so far beyond my comprehension that even someone like me...someone who chose to have an abortion could bring glory to God.

Satan's lies almost got the best of me 5 years ago and I almost gave up.

But God had a different plan for me and my story. He chose me to minister to people who think they cannot be saved. He chose me to reach out to those who feel that there is no turning back. He chose me to be an example of someone that can be brought back to God.

He has brought me to a place where I rest in His Love, His Mercy, and His Grace.

"for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. God presented Christ as a sacrifice of atonement, through the shedding of his blood—to be received by faith. He did this to demonstrate his righteousness, because in his forbearance he had left the sins committed beforehand unpunished— he did it to demonstrate his righteousness at the present time, so as to be just and the one who justifies those who have faith in Jesus"

Romans 3:23-26

The F Word

Feminist

The other F word that a lot of people aren't a huge fan of now days.

When I hear the word feminist I think of a bitter woman who hates men, only supports the success of single headstrong women, and holds picket signs outside of court houses and businesses that refuse to acknowledge a woman's worth more than a man.

It's safe to say that I have never thought any differently of the word feminist or what it means to support feminism.

When you look up the word feminism in the dictionary it states the following: The doctrine — and the political movement based on it — that women should have the same economic, social, and political rights as men.

That doesn't sound so bad does it? It doesn't use the words bitter, headstrong, or picketing anywhere in the definition.

Working for the largest girl-led and girl-serving organization in the country it is hard not to think about feminism and how the world around us affects women and young girls. It is hard to not be involved in promoting women's rights in some facet.

This past Friday night I met a gentleman from Ghana named Steven. He was visiting the Campus House at ETSU for World Cafe night. World Cafe is where the international students at ETSU (or anyone really) are invited to come and hang out, play games, eat, and get to know one another.
It was Steven's first night there and I struck up a conversation with him based on my traveling that I had done in Ghana in 2006. He asked me what I did for a living and I said I worked for Girl Scouts.

"What is Girl Scouts?" he says

Ummm...it's Girl Scouts...My mind went blank...I'm not use to people not knowing what Girl Scouts is and what we do for girls. I took a moment to compose my thoughts and began to explain to him who we are as an organization. I explained to him that we teach young girls/women to be empowered. We teach them business skills, time management, social skills, and help them gain the confidence they need to enter the world as successful women. I explained to him about our cookie program and how that funds all the activities to teach the girls all of these skills I had mentioned.

He looked at me puzzled and said "A cookie provides all of that? So how can we get these cookies in Ghana?"

I chuckled and said well you can always take some back with you in your suitcase and then I realized he meant much more than wanting the actual cookie. He began to tell me about the culture in Northern Ghana and how women we were not treated as equals. He explained that in the north women are very low on the cultural scale and are looked down upon majority of the time. A married woman must submit to her husband to the fullest extent and before she speaks with him she must drop to her knees, put her head down, and ask for permission to talk to him.

He said "You see this is why we need this cookie in Ghana."

I began to think about what this program means to girls all over this country and all over the world. I already consider my job to be a joy and a job that is making a difference in the lives of young women, but this really got me thinking. What if we share stories like the one Steven shared with girls in this country and what if they wanted to do something about it? What if we empowered young women all over America to reach out to young women in other countries who need encouragement or confidence? It definitely gives a new meaning to my job and the girls I work with on a weekly basis.

I do not consider myself a feminist and I am not sure that I ever will but I do consider myself someone who wants to give young women a purpose for their lives. Whether it is helping them to succeed in the work place or whether it is helping them achieve a dream of reaching communities around the world with young women just like those in Ghana.

The F word isn't such a bad thing after all.

"Feminism isn't about making women stronger. Women are already strong. It's about changing the way the world perceives that strength."
G.D Anderson

Age Is Just A Number

"To live will be an awfully big adventure"

J.M.Berrie (author of Peter Pan)

The thought of turning 29 excites and scares me all at the same time. I don't feel 29...I don't look 29 (or at least I hope I don't), and I certainly don't act 29 a good percentage of the time. So why does the thought of turning this rather meaningless age frighten me? 

When I was younger I always thought by 25 I would be married with a couple of kids and living in a house with a few dogs and a career that I worked hard for in college. That is what is considered to be typical for us Southern girls...a married, college educated mother who drives a minivan to football practice and standing at the Girl Scout cookie booths with her daughter on weekends. 

If you know me at all...the above list is not me...not even close! At 25 I was working a retail job that I didn't want forever. I was dating a guy that I probably already knew I wouldn't marry, and I had left college after 2 years of being frustrated with my accomplishments. I was WAY off track of where I wanted to be in life. I constantly compared myself to those who were married or engaged and I often thought that my parents were secretly wondering if all hope was lost in me being the woman they tried to raise. 

After getting over the hump of 25 I started to change my viewpoint on my life and the person I had become. By age 28 I realized that the timeline that others and myself keep for 20 something women was not realistic nor was it fair. By comparing myself to everyone around me I was missing out on the opportunities I had been given. 

I have been to 28 countries in the last 10 years. I have traveled to some of the most beautiful places on earth, had fellowship with some of the most amazing cultures, and been a part of some of the craziest adventures one could imagine. I get the opportunity to serve my community in ways that I choose to because of the free time that I have in my schedule. I am able to give time to my church that a parent or a married person would not be able to possibly give. The adventures that I am able to choose to take part in are vast and extremely exciting! 

I remind myself constantly that I would not be able to do a majority of these things if I had a husband or a child. I would not be able to be the adventurous soul that I am...I would not be able to satisfy the wanderlust that is deep within me...I would not be able to serve God in the many ways I am able to being single!

It has taken me a few years to reach this point of happiness of being single and growing older but a few things I have learned are things that any single 20-30 something can take away from this blog.

Don't pity yourself for not having a significant other.
Do take advantage of your single life and plan adventures

Don't envy what new parents or newly weds have.
Do soak up your alone time and use it to benefit your community.

Don't dwell on relationships and dating
Do pray for future encounters (but this should not be your focus)

Don't get in a rut of mindless dating
Do date purposefully

Don't settle (I mean it! If you get a feeling...trust yourself)
Do be realistic

Don't compare your life to those who are the same age or younger than you.
Do look for opportunities to thank God for blessing you.

Being single is and can be a gift from God. Use this time to worship him and focus on your relationship. Pursue a relationship with God and pray for wisdom for future relationships, friendships, and opportunities that he gives you in this journey!

God Guinness and Green Celebrations

"If I have any worth, it is to live my life for God so as to teach these peoples; even though some of them still look down on me."

Saint Patrick

St Patrick's Day is a day that has lost its meaning over time and quite frankly, most people (especially American's) aren't even sure why the day is recognized and celebrated.

Saint Patrick was a British Christian who was captured at the age of 16 by Irish raiders and was enslaved for 6 years during the fourth century. He escaped slavery in his early 20's and returned to Britain where he studied in the ministry and became a Parish for nearly 20 years. God had changed his mind and heart through the years of his captivity and he had developed an understanding of the Irish culture and its people. At the age of 48 he had a dream that he was being called back to the Irish people to spread the gospel among them.

The Irish were considered to be "Barbarians" and an misunderstood culture but Patrick had grown to know them, their language, and culture through the six years of his captivity. He would return to Ireland to evangelize the people and meet them where they were. He was not returning to Ireland to refine the culture but to minister to their needs and proclaim freedom in Christ.

The British leaders scoffed at Patrick's approach to spreading the gospel and the idea of him spending time and living life with the "pagans" and "sinners" was not something they wanted to support. Patrick approached his ministry the same way Jesus did during his time on earth. In Mark 2:17 Jesus states that he came not to call the righteous but the sinners. As a Christian in today's culture we need to remind ourselves of the attitude Saint Patrick had even in the 4th and 5th century. 

So after hearing the history of Saint Patrick...how did we get to the celebrations we have today in America of mindless alcohol-fueled debauchery?

I think that many Christians today are afraid of venturing into the dark places of the world and into the places that are whispered about among the church but that is where the Gospel needs to be heard! The Gospel needs to be heard from those who are choosing to live a life outside of the freedom of Christ. The Gospel needs to be heard by those who are in the bars becoming carelessly drunk, looking for that one night stand, and trying to live out the last few moments abandon choices. 

I think for some Christians evangelizing is a scary word and thought. And if you aren't confident and strong in your faith it can be a dangerous thing to put yourself in a situation that the devil could use against you. 

Here's some pointers for all of you who want to know the best way to evangelize...

Don't do the crazy Jesus Loves You stare...you know you do it...

Don't pretend to be perfect...because we know you aren't

Don't get frustrated...woosah 

Don't be a bad listener...rolling your eyes is not suggested

Don't invade their personal space...all you huggers out there...you know how you are!

Do participate in a conversation that is important to that person.

Do listen to how that person feels.

Do love them where they are...you were there too!

Do be transparent about your walk with Christ

Do invite them to an event/place where they can fellowship.

Do remember this does not happen overnight

Do be patient.

As Christians we need to meet these people where they are and instead of trying to change them let Christ do the changing.

Go put your green shirt on, grab a Guinness (or a water) and spread the Gospel to those most in need.

"I pray to God to give me perseverance and to deign that I be a faithful witness to Him to the end of my life for my God."

Saint Patrick

The Never Ending Voyage: Part 3

And this gospel of the kingdom will be preached in the whole world as a testimony to all nations, and then the end will come.

Matthew 24:14 

Over the past couple of weeks I have shared a couple of stories from my past travels around the world. I have shared moments of embarrassment and opportunities where I was able to serve those around me. Now I want to share with you the opportunity that I am preparing for in August. 

In August I will be taking a 6 day trip to Sancti Spiritus, Cuba. Any alumni from the World Race have been invited to take part in this trip to serve along side a missionary contact in Cuba. We will work with one of the ministry contacts there as he leads a Cuban missions and church planting organization that has planted over 100 churches and sends out missionaries beyond their own borders. We will be working on the church farm, leading men's and women's Bible study groups, visiting and encouraging new church plants and families, joining in sports ministry for teenagers (baseball and soccer).

I am really looking forward to this new opportunity that Adventures in Missions has set up for the alumni of The World Race. After spending 11 months of our lives serving next to these people in some of the most remote places of the world, it will be nice to reconnect under the same mission once again. 

It has been over 2 years since I have been blessed to go on a mission trip and given the opportunity to serve those outside of the U.S. who don't normally have the same privileges as Americans to worship freely and get to know God.  In America we constantly have the word of God available to us if we choose to learn and grow in Him, but in the majority of foreign countries they do not always have this knowledge available or sometimes it is overshadowed by a more dominant religion or practice. 

Cuba's prevailing religion is Roman Catholicism but it is strongly influenced by Syncretism. Syncretism is a combining of different beliefs which are often contradictory to the main religion in to which someone claims to be a follower of and in Cuba this is mainly dealing with beliefs that stem from African slaves. This typically includes communicating with their ancestors and deities, animal sacrifice, and sacred drumming and dance. 

Over the years of me traveling I have encountered many different religions, practices, and cultural beliefs. As someone who was brought up in the Christian church it is sometimes hard for me to fathom how cultures come to an understanding that this is the religion they will follow and practice. It is important to remember that, while the purpose of a mission trip is to show Christ to those you are serving, it is not the purpose to shame them into belief. Yes, communicating with ancestors and sacred drumming may seem odd to those who have not be exposed or taught to believe that way, but these cultures have been born into that life. It is important to show Christ through our actions and love of the people not the religion in which they serve and practice. Working along side the Cuban people through every day life and being Christ to them can be the most profound way to spread His love rather than preaching door to door of how shameful it is to practice a religion that leads to nothing. 

My prayer is that I get the opportunity to serve next to people I lived with for 11 months, meet new alumni I did not travel with, and share a bond with the Cuban people that will start a revolution in their heart and minds. It is my hope that you will partner with me in this journey and pray along side me and my fellow teammates as we prepare for this trip in August. 

If you would like to partner with me financially you can visit my World Race Donations Page and donate via that website. You may also mail your financial donations directly to Adventures in Missions. All donations are tax deductible for you and it also 100% goes directly to my trip. If you do choose to send a check to AIM please let me know so I can be on the look out for the donation on my AIM account.

Adventures in Missions
P.O. Box 742570
Atlanta, GA 30374-2570
And have my full name written either on the check notes or on a separate piece of paper with the check.

Thank you again for partnering with me in prayer for this trip and please continue to pray for support as my first deadline for the trip payment is May 15th, 2015. 

It is a never ending journey as we help prepare the world's hearts for the coming of Christ. 

Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20 and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.

Matthew 28:19-20

This Is Not The End

Its a hard thought to process when someone your age passes away suddenly. Whether you are close to them or just knew them in passing through parts of your life, it is a tough thing to understand. 

As I glanced around today I saw people celebrating the new life of an adoption and in the next breathe I saw people agonizing over the loss of a dear friend and daughter. 

When you are in your 20's and even 30's you don't really think about not waking up to the life you are planning and hoping for each day. Your thoughts are consumed with you daily work schedule, the next time you will enjoy time with your friends, and that summer trip you have planned to a place you've never been before. It's a life full of ambition and desire...full of love for those around you and a love of adventures and trying new things. No one would expect that the last picture you just took of that moment you wanted to remember would be a moment you would want to go back to and cherish. 

I have found myself staring off into space today trying to comprehend how someone, 27 years old, could pass away so suddenly. Why would she be taken when she was so full of life and had so much to give? After talking with a college friend she reminded me of the fact that, while she is gone, she loved the Lord. That much was evident. She loved the Lord and anyone that knew her knew she was a follower of Christ and is now with Him. 

This life I have lived for the last 29 years has been a well lived life. I sorted through some of those things today and thought... if I were to go today... would I be rejoicing with the Lord? A few years ago I don't think I could confidently say I would be in heaven. 

Thankfully God saw in me a purpose and a plan and fought to win my heart back. When the Lord fights for your heart it can be an intense battle and a battle you must fight in as well. It is not an easy road but when you finally give in to His love it is an amazing rush of forgiveness. No I did not say it was easy after you give in and it will continue to be a struggle, but when you rest in the Lord you have the confidence to live your life with purpose. 

God has many purposes for your life but the one purpose He calls us all to is to spread His love. Living a life that is a mirror of Christ and His love for us and reaching others who have not heard of His greatness. 

When people pass away we always reminisce about their lifelong accomplishments, world travels, advances in the workplace, and the memories full of laughter that we had with them...but is that enough?

I have traveled to 28 countries, landed a job that is made for me, volunteered with many organizations throughout my years, and built up a circle of friends I wouldn't trade for the world...but do I love God? Do I serve Him every day without question? Do I mirror His choices and decisions in my every day life? 

If that answer is YES then this is certainly not the end. 

This is not the end of our story and this is not the end of our lives if we choose to live in Him. 

“Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me. In my Father’s house are many rooms. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, that where I am you may be also. And you know the way to where I am going.”

John 14:1-4

The Never Ending Voyage: Part 2

Oh memories...

We all have those memories that cause us never ending laughter every time we think back or tell the story to someone...

That one memory that is your go to story when you want to make someone laugh or just down right shock anyone with the fact that this really happened to you.

Well that story for me began in Nepal.

I will warn you...this story crosses all lines of dignity for myself and while it is embarrassing... I've decided to be out with it... So you're welcome!

My team and I had just begun our 9th month on The World Race. I had been sick on and off for the past 9 months...lost a lot of weight...and by this point I was almost use to getting sick to my stomach multiple times a day.

After a few days of landing in Nepal I was feeling pretty great. No sign of sickness and my energy was feeling up to par. I was excited to be in a new country and starting a new ministry for the month.

That's when it hit...

I went to take a nap in my room because I wasn't feeling really great... I had lost all energy... my head was pounding... my stomach was in knots.

I laid down for about an hour...curled up down in my sleeping bag even though it was 80-90 degrees outside and hoped that I could sleep it off. About an hour later I woke up to my teammate coming to check on me and that's when it happened....

I felt so sweaty! I kept thinking man I must be burning up...sweat was all over me at this point and that's when I realized...it wasn't sweat I felt on my back...there's no other way to put it folks... I had messed on myself. Plain and simple. I was so sick to the point I couldn't control my bodily functions anymore.

I remember looking at my teammate and laughing and crying at the same time... How do you tell your teammate that you are a 26 year old woman and you just pooped on yourself...down in your sleeping bag... well the answer is you just tell them and hope they are still your friend.

Poor Rachel...Poor kind Rachel... she just looked at me and said I'll clean it for you don't worry about it. I was so sick I could barely hold my head up so there was no way I could clean it up and she volunteered without even asking. Folks that is dedication to your teammate 100%!
I got cleaned up and walked myself over to the house where all my teammates were and I found Grace.

Let me just tell you right now...her name was Grace for a reason in that moment and the moments to come!

Grace and our hostess hailed a cab where we drove to the local hospital to hopefully get some help and an IV for dehydration. Once arriving to the hospital I got even more sick... I was dry heaving and trying to hold it together. Grace was by my side...rubbing my back...holding my hair... speaking softly to calm me down.

Word got around that I was an American and several nurses, doctors, and random people came to see what was going on that an American was needing to come to the hospital. They were wanting to take pictures for their bulletin board in the hospital. You know.. action shots of the doctor putting in the IV in my arm...taking care of the American...normal stuff. And during this photo session it happened again... I went to dry heave and I couldn't stop it.

I remember just looking up at Grace with those "help me dear Lord" eyes and she laughed and said "you did it again didn't you?" At this point there wasn't a reason not to laugh. I was being photographed while I pooped myself in a hospital in Kathmandu. Grace...with all the grace in the world... helped me to the bathroom and helped me get cleaned up...yes folks... she didn't bat an eye and helped me get cleaned up. Grace.

They finally admitted me to the hospital that night to get more fluids in me. My team leader Abby came to stay that night in the hospital with me. I spent most of the night sleeping but at one point in the night I woke up with a huge pain in my arm. That's when I noticed that the IV solution bag was running empty and there were no nurses in site. Abby looked around for about 20 minutes and could not find the first nurse within a mile, so we took matters into our own hands. That's right... Abby and I...two people with no medical training whatsoever...two people who can't really stand the site of blood or needles...we sucked it up and changed my IV bag.

I remember thinking...Lord if I make it out of here alive and with my sanity...

After 4 bags of saline drip I was finally hydrated and no longer feeling sick to my stomach and was able to head back to our house.

It's funny the things we experience when we are traveling out of the country and especially in a country that would be considered 3rd world. It's funny how God forces you to rely on others in your weakest and most embarrassing moments.

Learning to depend on others and bowing out (not so gracefully) is and will always be a never ending voyage. 

http://www.gofundme.com/wralumni15

The Never Ending Voyage: Part 1

Many of you know I have a wanderlust and a passion for God's people. With that comes many experiences and passions that beat louder with each year or opportunity that I am given to travel and interact with those around the world that God is revealing himself to a little bit at a time.

As I am preparing to leave the country in August for Cuba, I thought what better way to support raise than to reminisce on some of the experiences and opportunities I have been blessed to be a part of over the past 10 years! Looking back at some of the 28 countries I have set foot in and served with God's people still puts me in a state of awe that God picked me to live this life. 

I may not have reached these opportunities in the most graceful or even spiritual ways but God definitely used my mistakes and disobedience to reach the unreachable, learn hard lessons, and experience laughter that I didn't know was even possible on some days! 

Over the next series of blogs I wanted to share with you some of my stories from my travels and I wanted to encourage you to share some of your stories with me! Whether those stories are from abroad or in your home community, it is still your life that you are living and experiencing God and sharing those stories is a form of fellowship that I absolutely love!

Sometimes when you are doing missions (whether abroad or in the States), you are asked to do things that you don't think is within your realm of capability or mindset.

Case and Point: The World Race Month 10- China

When we got the word our team would be working in a special needs orphanage in China, my first thought was "There's no way I can do that...I don't have the patience...the experience...I don't have what it takes to be that person."

We arrived at the orphanage and my team and I were split up into a couple of different "houses" which were separated into ages and the level of special needs the children had at the time. One of my teammates and I were chosen to spend the month in a house which housed Down Syndrome children, and some with physical inabilities all in the preschool age range. We would be living in the house with the kids, eating meals with them, spending the entire day with them from the time we woke up to the time we went to bed. To say I was overwhelmed at first would be an understatement.

We didn't have any huge responsibilities as there were Chinese women who worked in the houses. They cooked the meals, bathed the kids, got them ready for bed, and held most of the responsibilities on a daily basis. We were there to lend a helping hand (carrying the ones who could not walk at all up the countless flights of stairs because their house was on the top floor of an apartment building), play with the kids, interact, and well love on them as beset we could!

I can't tell you what day exactly or specifically when my mindset shifted from "I can't do this" to "How am I going to say goodbye?" but it certainly happened quickly. I couldn't speak Chinese and the kids could not speak ANY English but play, laughter, tears, meal times, and trips to the park was a language we all spoke... and it was something I grew more attached to with each day. 

After a month of shuttling these crazy kiddos to the park, to their school, up and down countless flights of stairs twice a day, laughing with them, loving with them, crying because it was stressful (yes I loved it but I won't lie it was stressful)... the day had come to say goodbye. As I walked home from the school to pack my bags I saw one of my favorite kids..Xi Ping.. he was waddling in his little Xi Ping way and I couldn't stop it...the tears just came hard and fast. I crouched down to hug him and that's when he saw my tears. He couldn't speak English and I couldn't speak Chinese but we both knew...he just patted me on the back as if I were the child and he were the adult...staring at me rubbing and patting my back. 

A month that started out with the attitude of me thinking there was no way I could spend every waking moment of the day with kids who required a special kind of love and patience... ended with a heart so full of memories...cradling them as they crashed throughout the day...reading books...those daily fights to keep shoes on before we leave the house...hand holding and countless hugs and kisses. 

It is a never ending voyage...that of God's plan for us... and what He knows we can do versus what we think we are capable of during our time serving Him. 

"For I know the plans I have for you", declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Jeremiah 29:11

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