Lent:
the period preceding Easter that in the Christian Church is devoted to fasting, abstinence, and penitence in commemoration of Christ's fasting in the wilderness. In the Western Church it runs from Ash Wednesday to Holy Saturday and so includes forty weekdays.
I will be the first to say that I am no expert on Lent and this is the first year I have participated in the Lent season.
In the beginning I was unsure of what to give up for Lent. You see people giving up chocolate, soda, or shopping during this time but for I wasn't entirely sure of what I should give up. I thought about the basic things such as eating out, listening to secular music, and my use of my phone/tablet more than I should on a daily basis. I finally decided on giving up eating out for Lent as it is something I do every single day (I do NOT cook).
Here we are 7 days in to Lent and I really did not feel like eating out was something that I should give up for this season. Yes I do need to not eat out as much for health reasons but was this something that affected my focus on my relationship with God? Was eating out something that I was denying myself for the benefit of my relationships with God or was it just something that was gonna totally suck to give up and I was going to fight through the entire 40 days?
Now, I don't know if this is allowed or what the rules of Lent are (are there any rules?) but after a conversation I had Sunday night I decided to change what I was giving up for Lent.
I am giving up dating for Lent.
That may seem small or sound funny to some people but for me it IS something that distracts me on a daily basis and it does hinder my relationship with God. Being almost 29 and single I find myself thinking about dating way too much. When will I meet him? Will I ever get married? Why is dating so hard?
The conversation that sparked my thinking towards this was between myself and a gentleman we will call "Jim". "Jim" and I had talked about dating before but he moved out of state so of course we closed the door on that potential relationship. He recently moved back in to town and we started talking again. From all standards "Jim" is a stand-up guy. Good respectable job, owns his own house, and isn't a stage 5 clinger...you know the things your friends and family usually look for in the guy you are dating...and well you as a sensible woman look for as well.
During our conversation about dating he asked me what I wanted in a relationship and that is when I made the statement of waiting to have sex until I'm married.
Now let me just say... I have had my pasts and I have not waited until marriage and I of all people am not preaching from the pulpit as one who has not walked through the bad decision of not waiting until I was married. This post is not meant to shame anyone and it is not meant to talk down to anyone who has made that decision. I have struggled for many years with this sin and let me just say it does not get easier the older you get and the more single you become and creep towards 30!
I let "Jim' know that I had made the decision to, from this time forward, not to have sex with anyone until I am married. "Jim's" feelings towards my decision were not mutual...no he wasn't a jerk about it but he made it clear that if he dated someone sex needed be involved for him to feel that full connection with that person. He stated that he didn't want to date someone and then 3 months down the road the non sex thing become an issue between us...in fact he said 3 moths was way too long to even wait...a week was where he would start wanting to have sex with the person he dates! A WEEK!!
My mind struggled to make something of the situation that was occurring. We could totally date and see how things went...we could work on the no sex thing...he might change his mind...the list goes on and on of things I tried to rationalize in my head.
On the drive home I broke down in tears... there was no rationalizing this...I could not date this man. This was the first time in my life that I remember REALLY liking a man and having to say no to dating them because of my faith. Yeah sure...I've been a "Christian" for years but I always compromised my standards and beliefs because "I really liked that guy".
Where am I today? A compromised single 29 year old woman fighting to rationalize a relationship that doesn't honor God.
That sums it up folks... a person asking you to compromise the commitment you have made to God is not someone you should be dating or even want to pursue a relationship with if you truly want to honor the Lord.
Let me tell you...it is not and will not be easy... in fact that is the hardest conversation I have ever had when it comes to dating because it was something I had so easily said yes to many many times.
I'm hoping that my struggle through this process of the next 40 days...and the next however long days, months, (hopefully not) years I am single... will honor my relationship with God.
You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.
-Ephesians 4:22-24
the period preceding Easter that in the Christian Church is devoted to fasting, abstinence, and penitence in commemoration of Christ's fasting in the wilderness. In the Western Church it runs from Ash Wednesday to Holy Saturday and so includes forty weekdays.
I will be the first to say that I am no expert on Lent and this is the first year I have participated in the Lent season.
In the beginning I was unsure of what to give up for Lent. You see people giving up chocolate, soda, or shopping during this time but for I wasn't entirely sure of what I should give up. I thought about the basic things such as eating out, listening to secular music, and my use of my phone/tablet more than I should on a daily basis. I finally decided on giving up eating out for Lent as it is something I do every single day (I do NOT cook).
Here we are 7 days in to Lent and I really did not feel like eating out was something that I should give up for this season. Yes I do need to not eat out as much for health reasons but was this something that affected my focus on my relationship with God? Was eating out something that I was denying myself for the benefit of my relationships with God or was it just something that was gonna totally suck to give up and I was going to fight through the entire 40 days?
Now, I don't know if this is allowed or what the rules of Lent are (are there any rules?) but after a conversation I had Sunday night I decided to change what I was giving up for Lent.
I am giving up dating for Lent.
That may seem small or sound funny to some people but for me it IS something that distracts me on a daily basis and it does hinder my relationship with God. Being almost 29 and single I find myself thinking about dating way too much. When will I meet him? Will I ever get married? Why is dating so hard?
The conversation that sparked my thinking towards this was between myself and a gentleman we will call "Jim". "Jim" and I had talked about dating before but he moved out of state so of course we closed the door on that potential relationship. He recently moved back in to town and we started talking again. From all standards "Jim" is a stand-up guy. Good respectable job, owns his own house, and isn't a stage 5 clinger...you know the things your friends and family usually look for in the guy you are dating...and well you as a sensible woman look for as well.
During our conversation about dating he asked me what I wanted in a relationship and that is when I made the statement of waiting to have sex until I'm married.
Now let me just say... I have had my pasts and I have not waited until marriage and I of all people am not preaching from the pulpit as one who has not walked through the bad decision of not waiting until I was married. This post is not meant to shame anyone and it is not meant to talk down to anyone who has made that decision. I have struggled for many years with this sin and let me just say it does not get easier the older you get and the more single you become and creep towards 30!
I let "Jim' know that I had made the decision to, from this time forward, not to have sex with anyone until I am married. "Jim's" feelings towards my decision were not mutual...no he wasn't a jerk about it but he made it clear that if he dated someone sex needed be involved for him to feel that full connection with that person. He stated that he didn't want to date someone and then 3 months down the road the non sex thing become an issue between us...in fact he said 3 moths was way too long to even wait...a week was where he would start wanting to have sex with the person he dates! A WEEK!!
My mind struggled to make something of the situation that was occurring. We could totally date and see how things went...we could work on the no sex thing...he might change his mind...the list goes on and on of things I tried to rationalize in my head.
On the drive home I broke down in tears... there was no rationalizing this...I could not date this man. This was the first time in my life that I remember REALLY liking a man and having to say no to dating them because of my faith. Yeah sure...I've been a "Christian" for years but I always compromised my standards and beliefs because "I really liked that guy".
Where am I today? A compromised single 29 year old woman fighting to rationalize a relationship that doesn't honor God.
That sums it up folks... a person asking you to compromise the commitment you have made to God is not someone you should be dating or even want to pursue a relationship with if you truly want to honor the Lord.
Let me tell you...it is not and will not be easy... in fact that is the hardest conversation I have ever had when it comes to dating because it was something I had so easily said yes to many many times.
I'm hoping that my struggle through this process of the next 40 days...and the next however long days, months, (hopefully not) years I am single... will honor my relationship with God.
You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.
-Ephesians 4:22-24
